The Self-Help Guru Needed a Little Self-Help!

"The Opposite of Fear is Love."
Fear has been my best friend lately.  My husband and I split two months ago.  I have been trapped in fear on so many levels in every direction.  Fearful of letting go of the love I had and wishing it didn’t end.  Fearful of not being able to take care of myself financially.  Fearful of what others will think. Fearful that the awful things my husband has said about me are true.  

 Dwelling on what is wrong with the situation and wrong with ourselves is the natural path we take when we are going through a difficult time…especially heart break.

Today I received a phone call from my landlord- one of those people who I have been afraid to call.  I know in order to take care of my children, I feel that I need to downsize to a less expensive home.  However, I have been afraid to do so…what if I break my lease and don’t get a good reference, will I not be able to find a new home? 

I answer the phone and my landlord began by thanking me for helping her through one of the most difficult times in her life.  Me?  How?  What was she talking about?  Last year when I rented her home, I gave her a copy of my book as she handed me the keys to her beautiful home.  What I didn’t know at the time, was that she was going through a divorce and was feeling down about herself and her life.  She continued by saying that my book helped her regain her sense of self.  As she went through the exercises, she found herself again, she focused on what was beautiful about her, how amazing her life is and began to take the steps to rebuild.    Nine months later her life is beautiful again and she recognizes her amazing self!  Bottom line, her self-confidence has been restored. 

 I thanked her for sharing with me and in turn by doing so, she helped me realize that I needed to re-apply to myself what I teach others. 

I wrote my book after going through a terrible divorce and living on food stamps.  I rebuilt and became even stronger because of the difficulties I had faced.  DUH, how could I forget so quickly? 

 Because that is what happens.  We continually go through difficulties in life.  When life presents another blow to the heart we either bury it and move on (only to have it resurface later or worse…wash rinse, repeat) , we hide under the covers, or we can do the work. 

 The self-help Guru needed a dose of her own teachings….

 I hung up the phone and decided to re-apply to my life what I taught others.  It was time to let go of the fear and focus on who I truly am, what gifts I have, what I am grateful for, what I have accomplished, and most importantly…how I haven’t failed.  It’s a beautiful opportunity to rebuild and become more.  I am fine!  YES..I AM MORE THAN FINE!  I can do this!  I give myself permission to stop feeling sorry for myself and start taking action towards building my life in a new way…an even better way. 

 Fear is the opposite of Love

 When we focus on what’s wrong with us and continually fear what may happen, we block the love that surrounds us and the love from those who so desperately want to lift us up and mirror back to us how beautiful and amazing we are. 

 I AM __________.

 I am beautiful, kind, loving, and smart and more.   I am safe.  It’s all okay…it’s only change.  As I say in my book The Beauty Blueprint  “change is inevitable…we attract who we are, not what we want”.  I now embrace change and celebrate who I am. 

 How about you?  It’s your turn.  Who are you, truly? Are you fighting change? 

Here’s to love and letting go of fear!



Inner beauty is easier to see when it isn't buried under fat.
“True beauty is not what is on the outside; it’s what dwells deep within our hearts, in the essence of our beings. The only thing makeup can do is enhance that true beauty.”

A recent study revealed that women today are less happy than women of the same ages 25 years ago. Why do you think that is so? One of my clients told me that while we’re aware of all the possibilities waiting for us, we’re also aware of everything lacking in our lives. Another suggested that the stress we face in trying to get it all and balance it all has been magnified by a terrible economy. So while the stresses are piling on and the economy is straining our wallets, the pressure is also getting more intense for us to maintain an artificial standard of beauty. It’s as if women are being squeezed out of the lives we fought so hard to win the right to have.

For many, the first sign that we’re losing that battle for our best life is a nagging dissatisfaction with our appearance. We know there is a standard, and we fear we can’t meet it. This fear often comes to a crisis point when we approach our 40s.

When a woman is in her 20s and 30s, she’s in her “getting years.” She’s focused on getting a job, a husband, a house, and children. Those goals take all of her mind, soul, and body to achieve. For many of us, after all these years of intense goal-oriented living, we wake up one morning and realize there’s nothing left on our “to get” list. We’re married (or we’ve been married), we have children and a comfortable home, and we’re established in our career. Suddenly we realize, with a sense of nagging dread, that although we may want everything we have, we don’t have everything we want! We achieved many of the goals we set in our 20s, but now we suspect our list wasn’t bold enough. It’s time to rediscover who we are and who we could be.

Our beauty shines when we allow ourselves to revel in our inner qualities and share them with the world. It’s in these moments that we are all beautiful. When we share from our hearts and help someone else learn from our experiences, or ask for support for ourselves, we cultivate our true beauty. It’s when we aren’t afraid to ask for the support we need, and when we open our hearts to each other, that true transformation occurs. That is when we open ourselves to what the pursuit of true beauty can help us achieve.

Excerpt: The Beauty Blueprint by Michelle Phillips

When You’re Supported, You Grow!


When I was in the downward spiral of my depression, a friend suggested that I try attending his church. I told him that while I appreciated the suggestion, I wasn’t a very religious person. I considered myself more “spiritual.” He assured me that his church was different and that the person giving the sermons was less of a preacher and more of an inspirational speaker.

Since I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, when the following Sunday rolled around, I picked up my mom and we went to my friend’s church. I listened to the speaker and hung on her every word, tears flowing down my face the entire time. Although there were some 500 people there, I felt as if she was speaking directly to me. Most of all, I felt like I was home. I started attending regularly, and the sermons would lift me up and carry me through the week. Since I was becoming a familiar face there, I also stepped into a beautiful circle of new friends. The church became a constant source of unconditional love and support.

You don’t have to go to a church to experience this, though. Go online or visit your local community center and look for clubs or organizations that are of interest to you. You might even be able to find a women’s club in your neighborhood. You can also sign up for my monthly newsletter on my website ( for ongoing support, love, and encouragement.


How to View Yourself as a Work of Art


Your beauty marks are actually marks of distinction. They’re what makes you a designer original. When you go to a museum and look at the art on the walls it is all beautiful, right? However, when you truly begin to discover  the beauty of the painting is when the tour guide explains the thought process and the love that went into the painting and what it’s meaning is. Then you begin to see it in a different way, and even if it is not your particular style, you admire the process and the way that story translates on to the canvas. We are all divine and unique pieces of art. Each with our own stories, our own experiences, interests, and talents. When we begin to revel in these qualities and cherish every little thing about ourselves, our “Flaws” are not such a big deal anymore.


The Law of Attractive

I recently had a client I was coaching and after we conquered her work fears she said that her next goal was to get back into a relationship. Of course, no one who wants a relationship truly wants just anyone; they want Mr. or Ms. Right! And most of us know in our hearts exactly what that means, when someone asks we unfurl that dreaded “List”!

If you are like most people, you probably have a “list” of what you are looking for in your ideal mate or you might be looking for that special someone who “completes you.” In the process, you might be bringing in the same “type” of person who you think is perfect for you however the solution to successfully finding the right
mate for you may lie in asking the question, “What type am I?”

So where do you start? Before you put on your Friday night best or log back on to your favorite hook-up website let’s take a minute to look and feel good about the most important person in your next relationship, YOU! It is absolutely true that we attract what and who we are in to our lives. When it comes to bringing in our friendships and romantic relations what we radiate is something that I call, “The Law of Attractive.”

The Law of Attractive is the true beauty that can’t be painted on or pumped up in the gym, instead it is the kind of amazing that when you have the confidence to let it shine, it  will bring people in to your life who compliment you not complete you.

Here are some ways to get started:
– Make your list. Make a note of all the attributes you would find
important in a long-term or forever type relationship. Be sure
to list more than just physical qualities like dark hair and full
lips by making note of the values that you find important such
as; honesty, integrity, loyalty, and compassion, which will play
a much bigger role in the long-term success of your
– Check it twice. Before you start on your scavenger hunt for
love, check the list once for yourself first. If there are areas
that you find important in someone else take a moment to
think if you have those qualities. If you don’t, there is nothing
wrong with taking some time to work on you before diving into
a relationship.
– Pay close attention to who is naughty and who is nice. Often
we don’t stick to our list out of fear of rejection or we can get
confused by a physical connection that we mistake for love
while alarms are going off inside us that tell us to run. Trust
your gut here and know that when the time is right for you and
that special someone it will work out.
While there may not be a club, church, or online dating site to find
true love there is one place that holds the magic of cupid’s arrow,
your heart. Honor it and you will be fully capable of loving someone