Tag: Exercise

The Surprising Side of Shame

surprising-side-shameAn excerpt from “The Beauty Blueprint 8 Steps to Building the Life and Look of Your Dreams” written by Michelle Phillips (Hay House Publishing 2011)

Dealing with your shaming voices from the past will lead to happier, healthier relationships in the present. Researchers have shown a link between shame and negative relationship behaviors such as anger, irritability, indirect hostility, resentment, and a tendency to blame your partner for various things. Dealing with your shame won’t just set you free to love yourself—you can freely and fully love others as well.1

“The Beauty Blueprint”

Exercise: Silencing the Voices

Take out your journal and try to recall all the inner dialogue that ran through your mind as you were creating the parts of your Beauty Blueprint. For each bit of inner dialogue, answer this question: What was the true intent behind the statement? Here’s a story to help you get the gist of what I want you to do. . . .

I was working with a client shortly after her husband left her. After completing her Beauty Blueprint, we went shopping to create a new look to match her new life. After trying on several flattering outfits, however, she looked dejected and stared at the dressing-room floor.

“I have to tell you something,” she said. I braced myself because, by now, I’ve learned that clients who are making bold changes also confront even bigger fears. “I think my stomach looks terrible in all these clothes.”

“What?” I gasped. “You look incredible! You have a great body. Where is this coming from? What is the voice in your head saying exactly?”

“It’s my ex’s voice,” she confessed. “He told me that I was getting fat, and he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore.”

“What was his genuine intention behind that statement?” I asked.

“To hurt me, I guess.”

“So, it wasn’t true, right? He only said it to upset you. Do you see the difference?”

She nodded, and relief washed over her face. The inner voice that had damaged her so deeply wasn’t true, and now she saw it for what is was: a lie.

She stood up straighter and smiled, and I knew she was on her way to becoming a free woman.

Now it’s your turn to do this exercise so that you can finally be free of any shaming voices that hold you back. And even if the original intention was positive—as a way to protect you, for instance—the result may still be the same. This exercise enables you to observe this dialogue for what it truly is and no longer allow it to control you.

Learning to Forgive

Once you start identifying and disarming your shaming voices, you need to go one step further. If you’ve been hurt or have suffered, you need to forgive the people who planted those voices in your mind. Freedom comes with forgiveness. However, this doesn’t require you to speak to certain individuals or open the door to old relationships. Forgiveness is simply a decision you make to let go of the past. This is for you, not anyone else.

Exercise: Write Your Letter

Any lingering negative feelings from the past are often signs that you need to forgive someone or something. If you’re always replaying hurtful words or painful situations in your mind, you need to identify someone or something to forgive.

You can do so by writing a letter that will never actually be mailed. (You can write as many as you need to!) So grab a pen and paper, and pour your heart out. Tell the person exactly what he or she did and how it hurt you. Was it a hurtful word, deed, or a cruel tone that you remember most? Don’t try to justify or minimize it. How did that person’s words or actions impact you then, and how do they impact you now?

One of the letters I wrote went something like this:

I forgive you for being so cruel and degrading in your words, and hateful in your tone. I felt abused and unloved, and sometimes I still hear those words in my head today. But I am ready to be free.

Next, write down your decision to forgive and let go. For example: “I release the pain I once felt, I release you, and I send you a blessing of love and light.” It’s not enough to simply forgive. I believe you must also make an offering of love. Forgiveness releases, but love heals.

Now you’re going to burn your letter. (Some people prefer to tie their letters to balloons and release them into the sky.) The reason you don’t mail your letter is because going back to the offender can sometimes stir up more chaos and hurt. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t require a confrontation or conversation; you’re not condoning what happened. Forgiveness is something that happens inside you.

So, over the stove, on the backyard grill, or in your fireplace . . . just let it burn. As the smoke rises, ask that this person be blessed and find peace. Visualize your forgiveness extending into the sky and beyond. What is forgiven is finished. Those voices, once dealt with and forgiven, can no longer hurt you or hold you back.

“The Beauty Blueprint”

Baby It’s Cold and Flu Outside

It’s getting colder across the country and that usually signals the start of the season between fall and winter, cold and flu. I’m sure if there’s one thing we can all agree on, there is never a good time to be sick. At the first sign of a sniffle the number one thought that comes to mind is, “Oh not now!” If you’re like most people you have a million things going on; job, family, and heaven forbid a hobby or two. The last thing you need is to be down for the count and fall a couple days behind when you’re living day to day to begin with.

You feel that you are doing everything in your power to avoid catching colds but nothing seems to work. We are all told that if we eat right, take our vitamins, and have a tube of anti-bacterial hand goo in every possible place we have a better chance at avoiding catching the dreaded cold and flu. Somewhere in the back of our minds, if we have kids, we even consider putting them in a plastic bubble during the school year.

It’s inevitable though, you touch the handle of the grocery cart and touch your face or get on a plane two rows over from the hacking, wheezing guy in seat 12C and the virus is on its way in to your system. The interesting thing is this, I’ll bet very few of you have been privy to this factoid; stressing out about the potential of catching those dreaded germs is as bad for you as the germs themselves!

Research shows that stress hormones lower your immune system’s ability to fight back invading bacteria and viruses. A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (1991), supported the hypothesis that the more stress you are under the greater the likelihood of catching a cold. I know right, first you have to worry about viruses and bacteria, now you have to worry about catching a hypothesis!

So what can you do to boost your immune system? While you may not be able to create a total immunity, the best immune system defense is a good offense. The first step to conquering any problem is to identify it. Figure out what is causing you the most stress and nip it in the bud. If there is something at work or a friend or relative that is causing your blood to boil write it down and set up boundaries to distance yourself from the problem.

Practice relaxation techniques. Work through your stress throughout the day and as it happens. Go for a walk, journal your frustrations, take a yoga/meditation class, or talk openly with a friend about what is bothering you. Blowing off some steam will not only have a calming effect on you overall but will help you get some much needed sleep. After all, isn’t that one of the first things they tell you to do when you get sick? Try doing that before you are forced to do it by Dr. Nyquil.

Eat right and exercise. Well duh? But seriously, why do we always wait until it’s too late to take good care of ourselves? Eat a wide variety of foods including fruits and veggies so that you are getting natures multi-vitamin. Also, exercising will help blow off a lot of that stress that may have you down to begin with. Do you have a crabby boss? Try a nice kick-boxing class. You’ll fight off your demons and your colds at the same time.

Finally, take a healthy dose of PMA. What aisle do you find that in you ask? That’s sold inside you. It’s Positive Mental Attitude. A 1990 study by Lin & Peterson showed a direct connection between an upbeat outlook and a strong immune system. Write down your negative feelings and then take a look at how you can turn them into positives. There is always a way. It just takes a little effort to see the good in everything. As for seeing the bad, that zaps the energy right out of you. Apparently when you’re head is held high it’s harder for the germs to get in!

Overall it seems that not stressing out before or after you start to get sick is the key to staying healthy and recovering faster. Don’t let your head drama work its way in to your nose and chest this flu season.