Last night I had a crazy dream about being in an audition factory for reality television shows. It really was like a factory – they’d audition a whole crowd of people and then they’d dismiss them and the another bus would show up and the whole thing would start again.
And they didn’t just audition to be the next Design Star or Top Model or singer or dancer or…fill in the blank.
No, they came in and went through every talent they had – sang, danced, cooked, sewed, put on a bikini, and threw a hissy fit. And then the casting agents decided which shows they would filter the people into. They weren’t there because they had “x” talent that was just waiting to be discovered. No, they just wanted to be on TV. No matter what. Whatever it took, they would do it.
I think I was there as a journalist to write a story. At some point during the dream, I went into a restroom and when I came out, I realized I was naked on top.
This “breasts exposed in public” dream is not uncommon for me (wow, that feels oddly private to admit…)
I don’t subscribe to a lot of traditional dream interpretation – I think that what a tiger means to ME at that moment in my life is far more important than what some “expert” says tigers mean in dreams. But when I had this type of dream yet again a couple weeks ago, I decided to look it up. And lo and behold, the description at Dream Moods made sense to me:
Becoming mortified at the realization that you are naked in public, reflects your vulnerability or feelings of shamefulness. You may be hiding something and are afraid that others can see right through you. Metaphorically, clothes are a means of concealment. …
Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Often times, when you realize that you are naked in your dream, no one else seems to notice. Everyone else in the dream is going about their business without giving a second look at your nakedness. If this happens in your dream, then it implies that your fears are unfounded; no one will notice except you. …
If you dream that you are proud of your nakedness and show no embarrassment or shame, then it symbolizes your unrestricted freedom. You have nothing to hide and are proud of who you are. The dream is about a new sense of honesty, openness, and a carefree nature.
Up until that morning, my dreams always matched the first two paragraphs perfectly – I was surprised and embarrassed to find myself without clothing in public, but no one else seemed to really notice.
Here’s the remarkable thing – when the “breasts exposed in public” dream showed up last night, my first thought was, “I don’t have a shirt on. There are people around and no one notices. This must be a dream.”
WHAT?!?! That is all of the second time EVER that inside a dream I’ve realized that I was dreaming!
Then the next thought was even more interesting: “If this is a dream then there’s no reason to be embarrassed. I think it symbolizes being vulnerable and being free, so I might as well enjoy it!”
At which point another person walked into the room also without clothing on. Another naked person has NEVER appeared in my “in public without clothing” dreams before.
This is new dream territory! I accept being vulnerable and matching vulnerability immediately walks into the picture. Now that’s a dream I can get into!
I can hardly wait to see what will happen next!
Have you got any good dream stories to share? I’d love to hear them!
A certain king had two servants. To the first he said, “I want you to travel for six months through my kingdom and bring back a sample of every weed you can find.”
To the second servant the king said, “I want you to travel through my kingdom for six months and bring back a sample of every flower you can find.”
Six months later, both servants stood before the king. To the first, the king asked, “Have you carried out my command?” The first servant answered, I have, and I was amazed to find there were so many weeds in the kingdom. In fact, there is nothing but weeds in this kingdom!”
To the king’s question the second servant also answered, “I have, and I am amazed how many beautiful flowers there are in the kingdom. In fact, there is nothing but beautiful flowers in this kingdom!”
These two servants each found what they were looking for. So do we.
Women have begun not only talking about body image issues, but writing body image articles and body images blogs. We’re celebrating the women who are taking back body image with their own words. We’ve gathered our favorite body image reads. You won’t want to miss a single one of these. Photo credit: Sam Edwards/ Caiaimage/ Getty Images
Women hate their bodies. Does this phrase anger you? Maybe. Surprise you? Probably not. While this isn’t true of all women, most that you meet have a body part they wouldn’t mind changing, hiding, ignoring. These body image issues are prevalent and affect women’s happiness and the way they see their lives. We want to change that and the best path we know to change is open dialogue. We’ve found amazing reading about body image written by real women for the sole purpose of opening the conversation and taking us to the point where the phrase “women hate their bodies” is shocking.
Don’t ever look back in regret, truly live your beauty and focus on what’s right with you rather than what’s wrong.
Michelle Phillips is a self-esteem coach and the author of the bestselling beauty and self-esteem book The Beauty Blueprint — 8 Steps to Building the Life and Look of your Dreams. Phillips works with many women and an inordinate — but not surprising — number of her sessions end up focused on body image. She’s recently made a shift in her thinking, however, that’s made all the difference for her and for her clients. Phillips explains, “When working with a coaching client I had an epiphany: The negative thoughts I have about my body need to come to a screeching halt.” Phillips adds, “Don’t ever look back in regret, truly live your beauty and focus on what’s right with you rather than what’s wrong. It may not seem easy at first but freeing yourself of negative thoughts is a huge step towards living a truly beautiful life and achieving a healthy body. The first, and possibly the most crucial step on that path, though, is to start loving the body you have right now.”
We agree with Phillips and want to open this conversation with you. Six women writers are doing just that by penning — or typing — their thoughts on body image. Join in these conversations, it’ll be our collective first steps toward women love their bodies becoming our norm.
There is no denying that these are very confusing times to be a woman. The generations before us fought long and hard to give us the right to lead countries, corporations, or stay home as mothers and lead our families. And what has all of this freedom gotten us? We are stronger and smarter…yet we are lost! We are stuck between what we could be and what we think we should be, searching to balance that with our femininity.
I remember as a little girl singing along with Helen Reddy at the top of my lungs, “I am woman hear me roar!” That was the battle cry of the 70’s that told women in no uncertain terms that anything you want can and should be yours. As exciting as it should have been, it was probably pretty scary for a lot of people in both genders. The women were afraid of the unknown and just how to manage this newfound power and I’m guessing that the men were somewhere in caves having meetings about how to protect their spots at the top of the food chain.
Being strong means knowing what you want personally and professionally and having the courage to go for it. Often this requires asking for what you want and, at times along the way demanding it. From a man this is almost expected. From a woman this can bring out resistance from family and friends and of course the dreaded “b-word”.
Being successful can mean a lot of different things depending on who you ask. As women our internal struggles for “success” go deeper than just the pressures to climb the corporate ladder though, many of us have deep-seeded maternal instincts that leave us torn by our desires to accomplish things and the feeling that we are sacrificing our families along the way.
Being sexy while doing any of this brings its own set of challenges. The media would have us believe that sexy and “sexpot” are one and the same. It’s sad to see that after all of the fights to be taken seriously as women, this generation seems to think it’s necessary to wear three coats of makeup and have most of your body on display to be considered “beautiful.”
Thinking about all of this the questions for many of us is, “Can we be strong, successful, and sexy, or do we have to pick one?” I believe it is possible to have it all and it comes down to striking this balance between inner strength and outer beauty, you just have to know where to look…
Like everything I talk about in my book and programs having it all comes down to defining who you are, what you want most out, and rocking that throughout your life and look. By knowing what you want deep inside it will be harder for the external pressures to take you from your purpose and passion. This is the strength you can call on to achieve a success that is true to you. And by simply living this truth, and expressing it in all of your everyday actions and choices, you’ll radiate a beauty that can’t be outmatched. The sexiest woman in the room is not the one with the $1,000 dress or the best plastic surgeon but the one who knows who she is.
Spring break is here! Whether you are heading out for some Spring Skiing or headed south for the sun and fun, it’s important to prepare and pack the right clothes and skin protection for the outdoor fun.
First of all when it comes to preparing for the sun and fun…you have to remember that your skin hasn’t been exposed to sun for quite a while and the rays in the south are much stronger than those here in the north.
For your body…and face: Be sure to apply an SPF of 15-20. Reapply every hour while laying out in the sun. Sunscreen doesn’t last all day and that is the number one reason many people who wear sunscreen still get burned. Even if it says waterproof or resistant. Still reapply. Bring a hat, and protect your eyes from the sun too. Sunglasses are a must and be sure to purchase a pair that has uv protection.
When skiing, you still need to be sure to wear an SPF on your face. The reflection of the sun off the snow can really burn your skin. Whether I am on the beach or on the slopes, I love to wear a tinted moisturizer that not only gives you a nice glow, but has an SPF of 15 or above.
When you are in the warm or cold elements, be sure to moisturize the skin. Many hotels have soaps that are harsh on the skin. I love to throw a moisturizing bar of soap in my bag. First of all, it’s not a liquid, so I don’t have to worry about airport security and I know I have my moisturizing properties included every time I wash.
Lastly, shaving often times something that we don’t do every day during the winter months. To avoid razor burn and to again continue to moisturize your skin…try the venus shaver that includes the moisture strip. These are my favorite razors and gentle enough that I feel safe with my teenager using them. You get a close shave with moisturizing benefits.
Wherever you go and whatever you do, keep these simple tips in mind and above all else… have a BLAST!
Have you ever had a piece of clothing or jewelry you had to get rid of because of the memories it evoked?
Maybe the earrings from your ex-husband that remind you of the painful breakup instead of the happy years.
Or the swimsuit that is two sizes too small and reminds you of how your body used to look.
Or maybe it’s the beautiful scarf your sister gave you before she passed away, and rather than bringing you comfort it reminds you how much you miss her. You don’t want to get rid of it, but you have to put it away for a while.
For my part, I had to get rid of my a sweater that was my ex-boyfriend’s favorite. Every time I put it on after the break up, instead of feeling uplifted at how sexy he thought it was on me, I felt deep sadness that things didn’t work out. It was so painful that I no longer wanted to see it hanging in my wardrobe. I also have a “boyfriend box” with the pictures and tchotchkes that remind me of him – I don’t want them gone for good because there are some meaningful things in there, but it will be a while before I can look at them without feeling sad.
The point is this: clothing and objects hold memories. They have the power to evoke strong emotions. In other words, they hold energy.
Sometimes it’s joyful energy – I feel joyful every time I put on my favorite turtleneck because I know the color looks great on me and I always get compliments on it. It holds an energy of joy.
But sometimes it’s painful energy…or sad energy…or fearful energy.
About seven years ago, I decided to make a clean start for New Years. In the week leading up to the new year, I made a project of washing Every. Single. Piece. of clothing that I owned. Yep, it was a LOT of loads of laundry.
But I wasn’t just trying to get them clean of sweat and dirt. I had made a conscious commitment to stop letting fear rule my life as powerfully as it had. So I put every load of laundry in with the intention: “I am washing FEAR out of my clothing.”
Every time I put on a piece of the newly-cleansed clothing, I felt GREAT! It wasn’t just that it was clean…it was CLEANSED. It’s a big difference. I felt like I could go forward and make new experiences, new memories, and new associations because any residual fear and sadness the clothes had picked up was washed away.
Does it mean I never felt fear again? Of course not!!!! But rather than just going along with the old pattern of fear and sadness, I’d made a conscious decision to start a new pattern. And here’s the important part: I took action to support that decision.
The memory of that massive clothing cleanse came to mind last night as I was shedding my clothes at the end of the day and deciding what to put in the laundry bucket. Normally I wear my jeans and tops more than once between washings, and both my jeans and top were still well within reasonable limits. But then I stopped to reconsider.
You see, yesterday was not a normal day. In fact, yesterday was a very scary day.
I am currently supporting my mom as she goes through treatment for cancer. She is nearing the end of her chemotherapy regimen and, as expected, she’s been getting progressively weaker. Yesterday she had a medical incident while I was alone with her at her house. It turned out to be relatively minor, but that’s not what it looked like in the moment. And worst of all, while I generally pride myself on being good in an emergency, in this case I panicked.
The aftermath of those few minutes of panic stayed with me throughout the afternoon in the emergency room and into the evening as we returned home.
When it was time to shed my clothes for the day, my natural inclination was to check my jeans and turtleneck to make sure I hadn’t sat in any chocolate and that they still smelled okay, and then put them back in the closet.
But as I started to hang up my top, something didn’t feel right. It took me a moment to put my finger on it, and then I got it…the shirt “smelled” like fear to me. So much so that I didn’t want to place it in my closet and infect the clothes around it. I also didn’t want to turn to my closet next week and wrap myself once again in residual fear.
A week or two from now would I still “smell” the fear on those clothes? Probably not. But I know from past experiences that energy lasts even when I’m not consciously aware of it.
It was worth it to me to toss the turtleneck and jeans and bra into my laundry bucket and cleanse them even before I sat in some renegade chocolate.
I’ve made a note for myself so that next time I do laundry I will once again consciously hold the intention that I am washing FEAR out of my clothing.
Next time you have a particularly upsetting experience, consider the clothes and jewelry you’re wearing. Close your eyes and see if you can sense any of that residual energy on them.
If so, toss them in the laundry even if it’s not time yet. You can do the same with jewelry – put it under running water in the sink and imagine the fear/sadness/anger rushing down the drain into the earth where it can be recycled and turned into something new. Or, if you get good sunlight in your home, you can place your jewelry in a dish in the sun for a day and imagine the sun’s rays blasting away any darkness that might be hanging on to the beads and baubles.
Why not do everything possible to start cleansed and clean for a fresh new day!
Just a short time ago, I was driving my daughter’s friend, Jordan, home after a fun day at the beach. I noticed that as we were getting closer to the young girl’s home she was becoming quite upset. I asked her if she was okay and she replied “my mom, sister and I had to move this week because we were evicted from our home”. Jordan went on to share that her mom’s second husband was abusive, had left them and she was trying her best on a small salary. My heart sank as I immediately felt her mother’s pain of trying to make it as a single mom with young children. As we approached her new home I realized we were in the worst part of town.
Jordan went into her house and quickly came back out running to my car-crying hysterically. She begged to stay with us for the night. She said she didn’t want to go into that awful place. It was the “slums” in her eyes and she was upset at her mother for moving her there. Jordan’s mom quickly followed, tears in her eyes holding her six month old baby, and assured me it was okay and best to take her daughter for the night.
My heart broke for her as we drove away. What she didn’t know is that our stories are the same. Yes, stories.
Many years ago, I left an abusive marriage and ended up on food stamps to support my kids. The lack of money was not as much what took me down, it was more about pulling myself up from the damage that was done from the words and threats that I endured on top of feeling as if I was a failure. Little by little, I was able to pick my self up and do the work to build a solid foundation of self-love.
When we are emotionally bankrupt it can be a danger zone. Not taking the time to fully heal and regain our sense self-worth can often times put us right back in a relationship with someone else who doesn’t value us. When we are hurt and feel down about ourselves, quite often the first person that comes along and tells us we are beautiful and fabulous wins our heart. We begin to find our sense of worth in someone else’s arms only to find ourselves back in the same cycle over and over again.
I got my daughter and Jordan back to my house and settled for bed so that I could make a very important call. I picked up the phone and reached out to the troubled and heartbroken mom. I wanted her to know that I’d been there too and she didn’t do anything wrong. She’s not broken… she’s beautiful, loveable, and capable. I wanted her to know she’s not alone… If she needed anything, I am here. My home is her home. We cried together and talked about how life throws us curve balls and when we pick ourselves up and remember who we are, shower ourselves with love, and surround ourselves with love (ask for help), we can and will survive and thrive in the end.
I dedicate this to all women who have felt or do feel broken. You are not. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are capable of anything. I am here to remind you that you are not alone and you are love…pure love inside. Don’t let someone else break your spirit. Break free and let your spirit soar. Fly beautiful girl, fly!
A Harvard economist conducted a study to determine whether offering rewards to children was an effective way to motivate them to do well in school. Interestingly, some of the findings suggested that students who broke goals down into smaller steps—which were immediately under the control of the student, such as “Read one book this week”—had greater academic success than their peers who had goals but no clear plan to achieve them.1
Remember, you don’t have to be an expert in every step toward achieving your dream. Many women give up because they don’t think they can get there alone. I have news for you: you don’t have to go it alone! Think of a chef creating a delicious gourmet meal. If she can’t locate a key ingredient, does she throw out everything and order takeout? Of course not. She goes to the store and asks someone for help.
If you’re a mom, you probably already know how to ask for help. If your little one needed medical attention at midnight, for instance, you would call someone regardless of the time or inconvenience. You wouldn’t care how you looked to others, either, because your child is more important to you than someone else’s opinion of your parenting skills.
Here’s an exercise I practice when I am feeling overwhelmed. I break my to-do list down into small steps, I think about what my possible needs might be. Then I jot down the names of everyone who can guide me along the way. For me, this includes individuals who could help with specific steps such as putting together my website, writing my manuscript, and learning about the publishing industry.
I refer to this as a Master Resource List, which is an essential component in achieving the steps necessary for success in all areas of your life. So pick up your pen and get to work on your own Master Resource List . Tomorrow I will discuss how to use these resources to accomplish your Master Action List.
The more hobbies you have, the more likely you are to gain greater social power, influence, and advantage, according to sociologists in Britain. Researchers there are studying the power of hobbies to effect upward mobility in society.
If you don’t have the means to enjoy one of your top ten activities, you need to get creative. For example, taking bubble baths is on my list, but when my kids were very young, I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without a little one in the room with me. A relaxing bath (alone!) seemed impossible. My simple solution was to plan it ahead of time on my calendar. I’d make “spa appointments” with myself and stick to them.
You can do it, too. Perhaps you’re a single mom who’s craving some alone time but doesn’t have the resources to hire a sitter. You could make Thursday evenings your special time after the kids are tucked into bed. Take out a book, light a candle, and make yourself a soothing cup of tea. Your inner spirit needs this attention. Nurturing your soul (doing what you love) strengthens your core (your foundation) and increases your ability to achieve your dreams.
I also wrote on my list that I love to travel. Do you like to travel, too? Well, for most people (including me), finding the time and money to plan a trip isn’t always doable. This is where you once again need to be creative. Why not pack your own lunch for work and cut back at the local coffee shop? You’ll save at least $50 if you do it for a month. You could then treat yourself to lunch at a hip café and visit a museum you’ve never been to before. Get my drift? Start doing things now that make you smile and feel good. Lifting your spirits will help you make positive changes and reach your goals much quicker.
Keep in mind that if you always deny yourself the happiness you deserve, life seems so much harder. You feel down, and are less resilient and motivated. So many women rely on medication, food, or alcohol to suppress the pain of a depleted spirit. Pleasure, not suppression, is the solution. Put your top-ten list into practice and let your authentic self come alive!
The next time you find yourself criticizing someone, ask yourself: Do I really know what is triggering or motivating her choices? You can even say, I’m sorry she made that choice. Something is going on with her. This is a powerful way to model true beauty to the women around you.
When we criticize an individual, we are also identifying with him or her in some aspect. A client once told me, “When I look at my ex, who was horrible to me, I realize that I have the capability of being just as angry and mean to others. If I’m going to be free, I have to bless him and wish him well, and not permit any negativity to remain in my heart.”
By refusing to cast judgment, we help ourselves live in true beauty. We’re breaking the cycle of fear and anger. It’s also vital to remember that we influence everyone around us, especially our children, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and so on. Young girls need positive role models! We women must teach the next generation how to lead truly beautiful, authentic lives. Excerpt: The Beauty Blueprint by Michelle Phillips
A certain king had two servants. To the first he said, “I want you to travel for six months through my kingdom and bring back a sample of every weed you can find.”
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