Radiance Factor

By Michelle Phillips

images For many of us what is holding us back from feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what’s actually in the mirror, it’s how we feel about ourselves. And how we feel about ourselves can be a product of negative self-talk that we listen to that tells us, “I’m not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or rich enough too!” The question is; where does this self-talk come from?

While it could be from someone outside of ourselves who we allowed to get into our heads, it is more commonly coming from our own minds as part of what is now being thought of as the “comparison trap.” The comparison trap stems from years of programming from a variety of places that might include images we see in the media, our up-bringing, friends or family members, and it is a debilitating need to base our own self-worth on others rather than the strengths within ourselves.

A prime example happened to me the other day when I picked up a woman’s health magazine while in line at the grocery store and on the cover was a famous work out diva in a bikini. Although I had just finished a one hour Pilates class that totally kicked my butt I looked at this cover and said to myself, “I will never look like that no matter how much I try.”

My next thought, which was a bit more comforting was that as a stylist who has worked on thousands of photo shoots I know the truth about what goes into creating the facade of perfection of that “perfect” image. You see the models don’t even look like the images we see in the media. First they go through hours of makeup and hair, get placed under perfect lighting and then the images are digitally enhanced. The same goes for TV and Film. Sadly, not everyone is privy to that emotionally soothing knowledge and it hurts.

On top of that, the exhausting and sometimes depressing images of perfection aren’t just of people, we have perfect images of homes on HGTV, and food on cooking shows, and then we all have those friends who recreate everything they see on TV and magazines which really make us feel inadequate. That constant focus on what we don’t have, or how what we have isn’t as good as someone else’s is negative weight, a weight that is crushing down upon us more each day.

How are we ever going to feel good about our lives, families, jobs, our look or our bodies if we are comparing ourselves to other people?

Recently I had the honor of spending some time on my VividLife Radio Show, The Radiance Factor, with Emme, who is a powerful example of the beauty and strength it takes to rise above this “programming” we are all fighting. You may know her from magazines, as a women’s advocate for positive body image and self esteem, author, and sought after national lecturer or appearances on Oprah, the Today Show, CNN and many more. She did all that and was voted one of People magazines most “beautiful people” and she did all being true to who she is as a “plus-size” model!

Throughout her life and career she has learned many lessons about what beauty should mean to each of us and when it comes down to it, what is truly important and how to focus on that.

Two that really stuck out for me were;

-In the United States the average size for a woman is 14 yet designers create and display clothes for models. Seeing these images of small, perfect women is damaging to our psyches and makes feeling good about ourselves in the clothes that are available to us emotionally difficult. Size does not define you! Rip the tags out! When you see images that are “perfect” remember, they aren’t real! Even supermodels don’t look in person like they do in magazines.

-After being diagnosed in 2008 with Stage 2 Hodgkins disease she had time for deep reflection during chemotherapy and wondered, “Am I happy?” She realized that she wasn’t truly happy and decided to make a change.

Which leads to a question I have for you. If you were suddenly diagnosed with a terrible disease or told that you only had days left here on Earth…would you really focus on how you looked or would you focus on being happy? Why is it that we don’t see the beauty in our lives? Why do we focus on what others have as our point of reference for happiness?

It’s time to stop comparing ourselves to others, let go of labeling ourselves by our size or possessions, and live our lives according to what really matters.

As we part I want to leave you with one thought and that is to start filling your heart and mind with only positive thoughts about ourselves! Write down what is right about you, your life, and how you look. What are your unique gifts and talents! That my friends, is your radiance Factor! Let is shine!

You can listen to the actual radio broadcast with Emme here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/vividliferadio/2013/09/17/super-model-emme-focusing-on-your-pluses

Join the amazing Emme on the high seas to have a blast feeling better about who you are! https://www.emmecruise.com/

It was an amazing first week for my new radio show The Radiance Factor on VividLife Radio. I can’t thank you all enough for listening, your wonderful feedback, and of course the show’s producer Shayne Travis and my guest Anita Moorjani for sharing their inspirational gifts.

I was very excited about debuting the show with Anita as she exemplifies the message of awakening to our true beauty and sharing it with the world that I hope to make the theme of every show. After battling cancer for 4 years Anita was near the end of her fight; her body was covered in tumors, lungs filled with fluid, in a wheelchair and only able to breathe with the help of an oxygen tank she slipped in to a coma.

At that time Anita was given hours to live by doctors and in the midst of this experience, she was given a level of clarity and peace that told her you will you not die, you will LIVE…you will LOVE yourself…and teach others the power of this amazing gift. She was felt connected to herself and everyone else on a deeper level of pure love that she ever felt imaginable. Anita was reconnected with friends and relatives who had gone on given lessons beyond forgiveness to a level of unconditional acceptance and inspired to return to share these blessings with others.

Upon waking from this coma she healed herself from her Stage 4 cancer and documented her experiences and lessons in her NY Times bestseller “Dying to be me…” which has also been featured on Wayne Dyer’s PBS special “Wishes Fulfilled”, Fox and Friends, CNN, and more.

While we talked about her experiences that surrounded her awakening it was the many takeaways from her life before and after that I want to be sure to share with you:

The first lesson Anita shared was that she felt much was that so much of our sickness self-imposed pressure that we place upon ourselves. The pressure to conform to societies, customs, and the beliefs of others that are not in alignment with ourselves, manifests inside of us to make us physically and mentally ill. On the “other side” love was unconditional, it transcended race, beliefs, gender, and the message to gain was that in order to enjoy this life we should work to move beyond these pressures.
Along with that came the powerful lesson is self-acceptance. Throughout her life she was bullied, discriminated against, and in turn, joined in the fight with others by beating herself up. Like many of us, she was steeped in self-doubt and buried in question that left her thinking; Why am I so harsh on myself? Suppressing my creativity to please others? Seeking approval? Tough on myself? Before you can see the beauty in life or others you have to start by seeing the beauty in you! The beholder right?
Next was her awareness to the power of acceptance which came from a feeling of reconnection to her father with whom she had a difficult relationship and who had died 10 years earlier. This experience provided insights into both our relationships on Earth and to those spirits who have gone on that forgiveness is not enough. To forgive someone still acknowledges the wrong between you, unconditional acceptance however gives power to the connection between people that releases each of you to love freely.

The most meaningful lesson Anita says she learned from being at death’s door is that unless we love ourselves, nothing else in our lives can function at their best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy we experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love we have for ourselves. The amount of love, kindness, patience we have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness we have for ourselves, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. And, unsurprisingly, the amount of love, respect, support, and compassion I receive from others is also in direct proportion to how much of the same I have for myself.

Her life is much more joyful and meaningful now, and she says she has much more love to share with others than ever before, which she does unconditionally.. But most important, she now understands that if we do not express our authenticity, the Universe will be deprived of who we came here to be.

Be you, as you were meant to be.

You can listen to the actual radio broadcast with Anita Moorjani here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/vividliferadio/2013/09/10/anita-moorjani-dying-to-be-me