The Best Foundation… Self-Love

Starting with the right foundation is the most important step in my work, and I don’t just mean cosmetics.

When I work with a client, I want to find out who she is at her core. If I don’t know her essence, I can’t help her uncover her true beauty. One of the biggest clues to the source of a woman’s authentic beauty is getting to know what her favorite things are… what nourishes your soul. This is what forms our foundation.

I don’t talk liquid versus powder foundation until I understand a woman’s true foundation. If this sounds like a lot of work to uncover, it is . . . but it’s also a lot of fun. This is where the real you emerges! What feeds your soul? What nourishes your authentic self?

This is the process I take my clients through to uncover their foundation:

Exercise: Your Top-Ten List

Take out your journal, and write down the top ten things you love to do—even if you aren’t doing them right now. Don’t worry if you are thinking to yourself, “I don’t know,” or I have no idea,” that is normal. Typically, we can write a list of the top ten things off of our to-do lists.

As most women struggle to come up with more than three things, it can be very telling. We women nurture everyone and everything outside of ourselves but we haven’t made the connection between nurturing our spirits, feeling beautiful, and staying on course toward our dreams.

We’re like builders trying to frame a house without a solid foundation. Despite our efforts, our work just won’t hold up, eventually toppling over.

No one sees the foundation, but that doesn’t mean it’s unimportant. Just like foundational garments or cosmetics, it’s the critical starting point. Others may not understand why you need to spend time doing something on your top-ten list, but they will notice as you grow stronger and more beautiful . . . all a result of nourishing your soul.

So, get going on your top-ten list! Remember to focus on what you love. Are you doing any of these things on a regular basis? If you aren’t, why not start now?

Set your intention by identifying a simple step you can take today. Then do it!

Keep in mind that if you always deny yourself the happiness you deserve, life seems so much harder. You feel down, and are less resilient and motivated.

So many women rely on medication, food, or alcohol to suppress the pain of a depleted spirit.

Pleasure, not suppression, is the solution. Put your top-ten list into practice and let your authentic self come alive!

With love and gratitude,

Michelle

My Most Meaningful Lesson: Love yourself before all the rest.

By Anita Moorjani

We cannot give others what we ourselves do not have.

“How could I have said something so stupid??”

“That was so dumb of me!! I should have known better!”

“I will never get it right! Why am I even bothering to try??”

“I wish I wasn’t so clumsy! Why can’t I be more elegant and graceful, like Janet?”

Does any of that sound familiar to you? That was my inner voice, several years ago. That was the voice in my head, constantly nagging, putting myself down, wishing I was different, better, smarter, stronger, more spiritual. Wishing I was anyone but who I am.

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. And, unsurprisingly, the amount of love, respect, support, and compassion I receive from others is also in direct proportion to how much of the same I have for myself.

Many of us are taught from a young age to “love our neighbors as we love ourselves”. But what if we don’t love ourselves? What if we are our own worst enemy, and our own harshest critic? If we treat others as we treat ourselves, then are we judging everyone else with the same harsh brush that we are using to paint ourselves? Is this why there are more people on our planet obsessed with trying to condemn anyone who is different, instead of learning to embrace everyone who shares our earth, and rejoice in our differences?

Learning to love others begins with learning to love ourselves unconditionally first. This seems to be a well-kept secret, which no one taught me as I was growing up. On the contrary, I was encouraged from a young age to put myself last, that it is selfish to love ourselves, or put ourselves first. In fact, I used to give and give of myself, without tending to my own needs, to the point that I became so drained it started to affect my health. Continuing in this vein, I constantly believed that I needed to work on myself because I wasn’t good enough as I am. So I continued to work on being “better”, kinder, more “loving”, more “spiritual”. I was always judging myself because I never felt I made the mark.

And then I got cancer. In fact, I didn’t just get cancer, I nearly died from cancer! But my cancer was the greatest gift I could ever have. Nearly dying taught me how to live. My cancer taught me the importance of loving and valuing myself unconditionally for who I am – a perfect being of the Universe, who is worthy and deserving of love, without needing to prove myself, better myself or change myself in any way. I became aware that I am someone who has a right to express my uniqueness with abandon.

I now also understand that I don’t have to work at being spiritual. Being spiritual is who we are, at our core, whether we realize it or not. It is our true nature, so we cannot NOT be spiritual! Being yourself and being spiritual are one and the same thing.

Because of my experience, I will never forsake myself ever again. I will never let myself down, treat myself like a doormat, or make myself small so others can feel big. I have learned that this is the biggest gift that I give not only to myself, but also to the planet, because I paint others with the same brush as I use on myself.

My life is much more joyful and meaningful now, and I have much more love to share with others than I ever did before, which I do unconditionally, and without draining myself. But most important, I now understand that if I do not express my authenticity, the Universe will be deprived of who I came here to be.

Love the body you have…TODAY!

by Celebrity Makeup Artist, Self-Esteem Coach, and Bestselling Author Michelle Phillips

Love the body you have today!

It’s no small secret that women don’t like their bodies. In fact, I’ve been doing a little research and I am sad to report that recent statistics say that more than 80% of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. Even more troubling is that 65% of young girls think they are fat and are already dieting. Ladies of all ages, this has got to change!

As a celebrity makeup artist and stylist the first things I usually hear when when working with a client is “can you cover this up” or “could you make me look 10 pounds thinner?” With the right makeup, lighting, and airbrushing anything is possible in front of the camera, but in real life- the Life Coach in me has to take over from there. That bit of “cover-up” is best if it comes from inside.

I can tell you from working with hundreds of women that the latest diet or workout won’t be the key to having a body you love. Believing in who you are, and in how you look… is the foundation to achieving what you truly want out of life. I know this isn’t always an easy thing to do but freeing yourself of negative thoughts is a huge step towards living a truly beautiful life and achieving a healthy body. The first, and possibly the most crucial step on that path though, is to start loving the body you have right now.

Here are some suggestions to do just that:

Create an “I love myself because…” list

First, write down 20 things that you love about yourself. Your list may include your personality, kind heart, your sense of humor, compassion, smile, elbows, feet, etc. Include your talents and achievements, or various ways you’re proud of yourself. If you have trouble with this exercise think about what your best friend would say about you. It’s time to be your own best friend!

Take notice of the beauty around you

Take a deeper look at nature surrounding you. It may be a tree, mountains, clouds, the moon, butterfly, a flower…is it perfect? Does it have imperfections, maybe a few blemishes on a leaf? Start to notice the beauty around you. Train your mind to let go of the “imperfections” and revel in what makes things uniquely beautiful.

Delete Negative Self-Talk

Every time you hear yourself talking negatively about how you look…STOP! Who needs another critic? Instead, turn that inner dialogue into positive self-talk. You have the power to focus on what is great about you right now by deleting the negative thoughts whenever they show up.

Appreciate your beautiful body

Women are familiar with their face but not necessarily their body. Start to look at your body in the mirror. Study your shape and find the beauty. Notice how your body supports you and your daily life. Our bodies are beautiful vessels that transport our gorgeous souls.

Cut the tags out of your clothes!

Don’t buy a closet full of clothes that are too tight for you to fit into hoping that you’ll be in them soon – those are just guilt garments that don’t make you feel good when you open your closet. Buy and wear clothes that fit the body you have today. They call it a “fitting room” for a reason. Size doesn’t matter; it is all about how you feel in your clothes. By dressing the body you have today will help increase your self-esteem and in-turn unnecessary weight will begin to fall away. When you feel better about yourself, you take better care of yourself. It’s that simple!

Whose Voice is Running in Your Head?

Are you so accustomed to the voice running in your head that you don’t even realize it’s not yours? Is it possible that voice is making your decisions for you without you even knowing it?

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go shopping with Michelle Phillips to re-evaluate my personal style. She was pushing me to look at clothes that were outside my comfort zone and I was feeling really triggered. All sorts of fears were running through my head – what if she does all this work and I still can’t get myself together? What if there’s nothing that’s going to look any better than what I’ve got now? I was driving myself nuts!

Finally, I’d had as much clothing-inspired craziness as I could take. We figured a change of venue was in order, so we went into a shop that has funky, inexpensive jewelry. As Michelle pulled out necklaces for me to look at, I turned each of them down in turn. I finally said to her, “I don’t like costume jewelry, it doesn’t look classy or elegant enough for me.” As I heard the words coming out of my mouth, I realized they didn’t feel exactly right. Is it true that I don’t like these cool, funky necklaces? I admire them on other people and wish that I had things like that to wear. So why, when presented with the opportunity to purchase a few pieces at a really great price, did I turn them all down?

Is it true that I don’t like costume jewelry? No.

Is it true that it’s not classy or elegant enough for me? No.

So what IS true? My mother doesn’t like costume jewelry! It’s not classy or elegant enough for her! And I’ve soaked that idea in so totally that I didn’t even realize it wasn’t my own idea! I’ve spent the last 15 years admiring something (my own thoughts) and reviling it (someone else’s thoughts) at the same time. Talk about making me nuts!

My mother’s way has been to find one good piece, save for it, and then wear it every day. Which is absolutely fine – FOR HER! I, on the other hand, like more variety, which is absolutely fine – FOR ME! The issue was that I was making my decisions based on someone else’s rules. As soon as I realized and verbalized the issue, it disappeared. I was free to purchase a really fun necklace, and I put it on right away…and I’m sure that I’ll enjoy wearing it for a long time to come.

So who’s making your decisions? Next time you say you don’t want to do something, or that you don’t like something, ask yourself – is that really me? You might be surprised what you find!

Leah Carey is the creator and facilitator of the Live. Write. Share.workshops that help people strengthen resilience through writing, sharing, and performance. For more info go to www.leahcarey.com. You can read her blog at www.TheMiracleJournal.com.

Breaking the chain of low self-esteem

breaking-chain-low-self-esteem Everything we are and everything we desire stands on the foundation of self-worth that we build from within. The value that we place on ourselves in the marketplace of life dictates the quality of relationships we will have, the pay that we will receive for our services, and resonates out to our family in friends in ways that will affect generations. It is for all of these reasons and more that we build that foundation strong and tall and lovingly reinforce it every day.

Recently my friends and I celebrated the life of an amazing woman who was truly an inspiration for us all and who so beautifully illustrated the importance of creating our personal value. The day my friend Jan realized how her low self-worth was allowing her abusive marriage to continue and how that relationship was affecting her children was the day that she said enough and left. She took her kids to a shelter and started over with the desire to always be treated the way she deserved.

While living her new, higher-valued life Jan gave back to others at every opportunity. Whether it was the Red Cross, YMCA, or abuse shelters, she was always showering others with love and telling them they were worthy of more.

Eventually she started her own organization that supported foster children who had been abused or neglected. Through dedicating her life to children who felt they had no hope she helped them realize they already possessed every ounce of worth and potential needed for beautiful, abundant lives. The legacy she leaves behind doesn’t just live on in the kids and young adults whose lives she touched but in their children and children’s children. By empowering just one person to a stronger sense of self-love you afford them the opportunity to change every life they touch.

Where does this change all truly start though? How do we break the cycle of bad jobs, bad relationships, and stop passing down a belief that lives that are beneath us are acceptable? By reclaiming and building our self-worth we free ourselves from the chains that hold us back from living with purpose and joy. The next step is demanding that value be honored in every aspect of our lives. By asking for what you are worth you teach others how to treat you and model to your kids the importance of valuing themselves.

To start the self-worth ball rolling take an inventory of your amazing, positive qualities.

What are your strengths? What are the personal qualities that define you?

What are some achievements you can look back on with pride to remind yourself of what you are capable of?

How did you feel when you achieved those things? Try to remember by putting yourself back in that place of accomplishment.

Another great tool I suggest using is to think of how your best friend would speak of you, if needed, ask them. We can all think of an endless amount of beautiful things to say about someone dear to us, start by giving yourself that same amount of love.

The most important thing of all though is to pick your moment to ask for what you’re worth. Whether it is in your relationships or your job, the day or minute you make the decision to say to the world, “I am good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and deserving of everything I desire” is the day it will start coming your way. And it is the day you break the cycle for generations by inspiring others to start construction on the foundations of their beautiful lives.