Shame

You Binged. Now What?

By Melissa Kathryn

So it goes a little something like this…

You’re good all week, you’ve worked out everyday, you went to bed early, you’re feeling fabulous and like you’re on your way to your weight loss goals…and then the weekend hits. All of a sudden something drives you and you find yourself to be home, sitting on your couch eating whatever carbs and sugar you can get your hands on.

The next day…self-loathing hits you like a tons of bricks. You feel sick, still full from the night before. You are ridden with guilt and shame. Disgusted with yourself. “What’s wrong with me?”, you ask. “Why do I do this?” “All of my hardwork…now I need to go to the gym just to work it off “.

This can occur from a fight with a spouse, boredom, loneliness, family, going home, stress from work or from life.

There are a multitude of triggers for binges. The key is finding yours. (Tweet it)

Binges are an onset of emotions. What’s interesting is we turn to food because our bodies actually want to make us feel better. At an early age, we were taught to view food as something to make us feel good. When we fell down or did something well, we were rewarded with food, (usually candy or very fattening and highly processed foods). Think about it – if you fell down, you got ice cream. If your team won a game, you went out for pizza and ice cream. Food was instant gratification to bring you happiness, ease pain, or make you feel fulfilled.

There is a stigma around emotional eating. Saying you’re an emotional eater can not only feel wrong, but feel shameful. What’s interesting is that most people’s eating is driven by their emotions over their physical hunger. You don’t have to be obese to be an emotional eater and you don’t have to classify yourself with an “eating disorder”.

This process is about recognizing the “Why Factor” so you can do a course correct. Learn from your binges. They are lessons.

Binges are a way to escape or suppress bad feelings, to gain control and to feel good feelings instead – know this to be true. So the next time, ask yourself, “Why am I reaching for food?” Identifying your triggers is the most direct and effective way to get to the root cause.

Challenge:

Identify your triggers by asking yourself these 3 questions:

What happened in that situation that set me off?
What are trigger situations for me? Meaning, where do you not feel in control or find yourself always overeating or binging?
What am I really hungry for? What happened then that made me upset and why?

How to Recover:

Identify your triggers.
Forgive yourself and learn from your experience – know there is unhealed pain or lack of fulfillment or patterned behavior driving your actions.
Today is a new day – the past is the past, you are in control of your actions, thoughts and emotions moving forward.
Drink tons of water with lemon to help your body digest.

Take positive actions and make today a fabulous day!

The Surprising Side of Shame

surprising-side-shame An excerpt from “The Beauty Blueprint 8 Steps to Building the Life and Look of Your Dreams” written by Michelle Phillips (Hay House Publishing 2011)

Dealing with your shaming voices from the past will lead to happier, healthier relationships in the present. Researchers have shown a link between shame and negative relationship behaviors such as anger, irritability, indirect hostility, resentment, and a tendency to blame your partner for various things. Dealing with your shame won’t just set you free to love yourself—you can freely and fully love others as well.1

“The Beauty Blueprint”

Exercise: Silencing the Voices

Take out your journal and try to recall all the inner dialogue that ran through your mind as you were creating the parts of your Beauty Blueprint. For each bit of inner dialogue, answer this question: What was the true intent behind the statement? Here’s a story to help you get the gist of what I want you to do. . . .

I was working with a client shortly after her husband left her. After completing her Beauty Blueprint, we went shopping to create a new look to match her new life. After trying on several flattering outfits, however, she looked dejected and stared at the dressing-room floor.

“I have to tell you something,” she said. I braced myself because, by now, I’ve learned that clients who are making bold changes also confront even bigger fears. “I think my stomach looks terrible in all these clothes.”

“What?” I gasped. “You look incredible! You have a great body. Where is this coming from? What is the voice in your head saying exactly?”

“It’s my ex’s voice,” she confessed. “He told me that I was getting fat, and he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore.”

“What was his genuine intention behind that statement?” I asked.

“To hurt me, I guess.”

“So, it wasn’t true, right? He only said it to upset you. Do you see the difference?”

She nodded, and relief washed over her face. The inner voice that had damaged her so deeply wasn’t true, and now she saw it for what is was: a lie.

She stood up straighter and smiled, and I knew she was on her way to becoming a free woman.

Now it’s your turn to do this exercise so that you can finally be free of any shaming voices that hold you back. And even if the original intention was positive—as a way to protect you, for instance—the result may still be the same. This exercise enables you to observe this dialogue for what it truly is and no longer allow it to control you.

Learning to Forgive

Once you start identifying and disarming your shaming voices, you need to go one step further. If you’ve been hurt or have suffered, you need to forgive the people who planted those voices in your mind. Freedom comes with forgiveness. However, this doesn’t require you to speak to certain individuals or open the door to old relationships. Forgiveness is simply a decision you make to let go of the past. This is for you, not anyone else.

Exercise: Write Your Letter

Any lingering negative feelings from the past are often signs that you need to forgive someone or something. If you’re always replaying hurtful words or painful situations in your mind, you need to identify someone or something to forgive.

You can do so by writing a letter that will never actually be mailed. (You can write as many as you need to!) So grab a pen and paper, and pour your heart out. Tell the person exactly what he or she did and how it hurt you. Was it a hurtful word, deed, or a cruel tone that you remember most? Don’t try to justify or minimize it. How did that person’s words or actions impact you then, and how do they impact you now?

One of the letters I wrote went something like this:

I forgive you for being so cruel and degrading in your words, and hateful in your tone. I felt abused and unloved, and sometimes I still hear those words in my head today. But I am ready to be free.

Next, write down your decision to forgive and let go. For example: “I release the pain I once felt, I release you, and I send you a blessing of love and light.” It’s not enough to simply forgive. I believe you must also make an offering of love. Forgiveness releases, but love heals.

Now you’re going to burn your letter. (Some people prefer to tie their letters to balloons and release them into the sky.) The reason you don’t mail your letter is because going back to the offender can sometimes stir up more chaos and hurt. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t require a confrontation or conversation; you’re not condoning what happened. Forgiveness is something that happens inside you.

So, over the stove, on the backyard grill, or in your fireplace . . . just let it burn. As the smoke rises, ask that this person be blessed and find peace. Visualize your forgiveness extending into the sky and beyond. What is forgiven is finished. Those voices, once dealt with and forgiven, can no longer hurt you or hold you back.

“The Beauty Blueprint”

Beauty Meditations

Women longing for inner and outer beauty are invited on a personal devotional journey with author and speaker Ginger Garrett who offers expertise, encouragement, and biblical guidance. Readers will gather life-changing insights alongside practical ways to nurture their spiritual, emotional, and physical health.

Meaningful meditations and compelling prayers that speak directly to what women are experiencing will gently guide readers to discover how:

beauty and radiance begin in the soul
joy, laughter, and friendships restore a youthful glow
simple steps lead them to reflect the beauty God sees in them
inner and outer transformation happens when shame and secrets are released
kindness to themselves and others starts the journey to loveliness

Readers will enjoy and benefit from Ginger’s vulnerability and expertise as they explore the unique relationship between worshiping our Creator and caring for ourselves. To order a copy click here

Thanksgiving Dinner – The Sitcom Sit-down

The holidays are almost here and in theory they should be a time of great joy as we spend precious moments with the people we cherish. Unfortunately for a lot of us that time falls squarely between a sitcom and full-blown horror flick. If they were still making Peanuts cartoons but with a more modern feel, for many of us it would probably be something like, “It’s a dysfunctional family dinner Charlie Brown.”

Whether you are hosting the family dinner or just attending somewhere else, for some reason what should be a safe haven of love and support gets turned into a place you have to emotionally toughen up before walking in the door. If it’s not the delicious aromas of turkey and pie that makes you take a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, what is it?

For starters, you have relatives or friends that can’t be invited at the same time as others, you’ve got an uncle who it’s in everybody’s best interest if you water down his drinks, and there’s always at least one person you know is going to pick apart your life like a buzzard working on a piece of emotional roadkill. The latter can be particularly disturbing when most of us are not facing the easiest of times. All of this leaves Thanksgiving with the potential for the turkey to be stuffed with massive drama!

Before you give it all up and resign yourself to the kiddy table, let’s look at some ways to make the most of these times with family and friends.

First, let’s remember that it is just that, time with the people that mean the most to us. These are people that we know will be there for us through thick and thin. As for Uncle Larry, continue to sneak in the watered down drinks, and if family members are feuding, remember-it’s not your problem. Like I tell my kids, don’t get involved in the drama, and move away from any negative situation.

As for our own worry about being shamed for some of our unfortunate situations, let’s start by not making this a day of playing make believe. It’s time for a little honesty. I’m not saying decorate your house with your dirty laundry but if you’re going through hard times of any sort be honest about them. We stress ourselves out so much with the energy it takes to be “perfect” for the people who should understand us most. To get through any crisis in life we need support. As much as family can tend to judge us and be critical they are there for us. Which brings me to my next suggestion…
Don’t’ be afraid of your family, they really do want to see you succeed. If you are really anxious about the inquiries that will be made by some people who are really labeled as “judgmental” in your tribe, pick up the phone before the big day arrives and let them know what you are going through. While you’re at it, tell them that you are hoping to gain their support and understanding. Many times the people closest to us think they are taking care of us by “fixing” our problems. Let them know if you are just looking to vent, a shoulder to lean on, or maybe not fixing but some positive ideas to guide you through the situation. Hopefully this will lead them to support you in a positive direction and help them keep their negative comments to themselves.

If we can set boundaries and remember what and who are really important in our lives we can get beyond the drama to the love and laughter that should fill our lives more than that extra scoop of mashed potatoes ever could. That said, remember to take time to go around the table to give everyone a chance to talk about what they are truly thankful for.