A Sneaky Weight Loss Secret

by Renee Heigel

Love HandleI want to share one of the best secrets to weight loss I’ve ever learned.  It’s a core shift in focus that changes everything. But before I tell you about that, let me explain what happened to a client of mine recently…

She’s in her bathroom, putting on makeup, it is taking forever. All she wants is to feel attractive. She feels exhausted, unsexy and lethargic…  None of her clothes fit and nothing looks good. Moments ago, as she took off outfit #8, she sat for a moment on her bed in anguish and pain. She’s embarrassed, but this will have to do. It’s time to go.

She turns off the light and walks down the hall and then she sees him.

She’s nervous and excited. Early morning’s to work out, drinking and eating all of these healthy things. She is trying…

Her husband is standing at the end of the hall and she is yearning for him to simply notice her. He looks at her and says, “ready to go, we’re going to be late”.  He doesn’t see her, check her out or notice her outfit.

He says nothing more and then turns his back to go grab the keys…

She was DYING to be seen, to be appreciated.  But it was like she was invisible.  (And that wasn’t even the worst part…)

I’ll tell you about the worst part in just a sec.   For now one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned…

Here’s something you should know about me:  I do not own a scale.

And, if you are my client, then you’ll know that I’ve probably told you to throw yours away too.

As far as I’m concerned, you have no use for a scale in your house.

A lot of my clients feel incredibly anxious when I challenge them with this…

But here’s the deal:  Your scale keeps you focused on LACK.

When you use a scale you are thinking about what you don’t want.

Yes, you might imagine the day you lose those 15 pounds and you see it on the scale…

BUT…

Before you step that little toe up onto your scale, there is an unconscious fear that sucks you into a fearful vortex.

It’s screaming, “please, please, please… weigh less than or at least the same as I weighed last time.”

And then you see the result and you’re never happy.

You cannot win at this point.

Back to our story of my lovely client.

She returned home from her evening out, weighed herself immediately to see if there was difference in her weight. She gained 2 pounds. She is feeling fat, ugly and depressed. Her man didn’t noticed her and she ate like a bird all night for fear of that measurement on her scale sliding forward and she stilled gained weight!?

When her husband fell asleep, do you know what she did?

She got up in the middle of the night and pulled the tub of chocolate marshmallow ice cream out of the fridge and sat at the table and ate it all until it was gone.

It filled that empty void that she didn’t get filled up earlier, but not for long.

She tossed and turned until she fell back to sleep, feeling horrible and like she had failed yet again.

Guess what, she woke up and got on the scale once again only to see that the number had moved by a pound.

If you can only do one thing, then do this:

Make a choice to: Show up for yourself. Listen to your body and ask yourself: How do I feel right now?

It’s not about the scale.

It’s about loving yourself.

If you are stuck in a similar pattern then comment below.

With love,

Renee “no scale” Heigel

Say no and set boundaries {with love}

By Renee Heigel

So you have a hard time saying “no” huh?

You did a few things this week because you felt guilty and now you’re angry with yourself.

You complain that you get taken advantage of and people walk all over you…?

You find yourself, saying, “How can I not take that comment personally?”

Boundaries.

There was a pivotal moment for me where I began to see the emotional connection to my desires, specifically for food.

I was renting an office space on the top floor of this massive office complex for the marketing biz I was running at the time. There was a little restaurant, downstairs on the first floor. I often bought my lunch there and ate way too many spinach pies.

One morning when arriving to the office, I parked and just sat in my car. I couldn’t bring myself to go in. I was feeling sad, unmotivated, and stressed. I didn’t feel like I had any time for me and that people around me always wanted more, more, more. All of the thoughts in my head were shifted to what was going wrong in my life.

When I gained some composure, I went inside and started the day with some interviews to add some people to the team I had. When I finished and came out of one of the offices, I learned that someone had come in and stolen my laptop.

I felt like I got kicked while I was down.

I immediately went downstairs and bought candy, chips, cookies, and anything else I could find.

I slowly walked back up the flights of stairs with my items and sat down at my desk and began to eat, and it was in that moment that I learned what I was really doing with this “food.” I noticed a pattern. As I dove deeper into my salt and vinegar chips, I began to feel disgusted.

I made a spontaneous choice and threw away everything.

When I think back to that time in my life, especially as a woman, I felt driven, burned out, controlling, and uber-ambitious and determined. I didn’t say no, even when I wanted to. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I was also frustrated because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted despite my hard work.

Everything is energy, and when we are not prioritizing our energy, then that energy needs to go somewhere.

We end up internalizing it, and then it comes out in various ways: food, sugar, alcohol, relationships, shopping, work, drugs, and caffeine – you get the picture.

You relate to this, right?

You might already know that the extra weight you carry is symbolic of the safety you desire.

The amount you might immerse yourself in the tub of ice cream, relationships that are unhealthy or dependent, or your workaholic ways are often a reflection of seeking safety in something outside of you.

Your body reflects your ego.

Are you ready to let go of this?

Yes?

Toxic.

I was sitting in court this week fighting a traffic ticket (yes, I walked away with no points) and I overheard this woman next to me sharing with someone that she spent $2,500 on this curio cabinet to hold the 100+ ‘Precious Moment’ knick-knacks given to her that she absolutely loathes.

She said, “I hate those damn things, I spent thousands on something just to store crap in my home that I don’t even like. I felt like I had to…”

Sound familiar?

Self-sacrifice leads to resentment, guilt, anger, obligation, and more emotions. These are the biggest internal factors that destroy our health.

These are called internal toxins.

So many of us are in this cycle of over-achieving, controlling, and doing, and then building up a toxic overload because of it, and then going home to numb it all out with a glass of red wine and bowl of popcorn.

That’s not going to work for you and it didn’t work for me.

When in this self-sacrificing place, not only will you attract unhealthy relationships with needy, dependent people, but you will also continue the cycle and halt your capacity to learn from your experiences.

There is hope, please don’t fear.

It’s time to build up some more boundaries, internally.

You must figure out how much the situation is about you versus the other person, and then specifically learn to stand up for yourself.

I hear this often from my clients and readers…

–  I don’t want to make any waves.

–  I don’t like confrontation.

–  It isn’t my personality to say how I feel.

You were likely not taught how to create boundaries as a child if this sounds like you. You are likely used to feeling guilt and dishing it out on occasion, and you must face the guilt directly.

How, you ask?

You must make yourself a priority.

“Good self-care is the single, most important aspect of our health, period.” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrop

Self-care includes not using food, work, substances, shopping, etc. to numb you. Please learn where you are channeling this extra masculine-feminine energy and channel it into self-love instead.

Self-care includes exploring practices of spirituality or awareness that allow you to feel safe without external stuff.

Self-care means learning the power of saying “no” and telling people your priorities are different right now.  Saying “no” to someone else is really saying “yes” to yourself.  This takes practice. Start now.

Self-care means seeking support from people who will help you put yourself on your priority list versus people who are enabling you because they have the same “boundary” stuff going on.

Take action.

Most of our energy is often spent hiding our true self.

Know that it may be time for you to establish stronger boundaries in your life that support you and allow you to evolve as a human being.

You must determine how much is about you and how much of it is about the other person.

Ask for help.

Learn to stand up for yourself. Practice, practice. A mirror works great at first.

Self care and creating boundaries is your responsibility.

It doesn’t matter what you learned as a child. Your adult self will flourish with boundaries and self-care.

These internal toxins are destroying your health, and I have a strong belief that you can heal them by letting them go.

Delight in yourself today by saying no to someone else.

I want to remind you of something:

–  Yes, you’ll feel guilty at first.

–  Yes, it will feel uncomfortable.

But here is the truth…

You will not be able to give the gifts that you are meant to give in this lifetime while you are feeling guilty, without any internal boundaries.

When you numb the guilt you are also numbing the joy.

I am here with you holding your hand along the way.

It’s time to step into your naked truth.

This is pivotal path in that journey.

Deep gratitude and love,

Renee
xo