What If Making Your Dreams Come True Doesn’t Make You Happier?

By Lisa Selow

hemingwayquoteThe sales woman was kind to me, asking me if I needed help. I was taking my time, which has become a normal thing for me as I heal myself of chronic fatigue syndrome. Rushing around just isn’t an option any more.

She looked down at the dark bluish bruise on my right arm, blurting out, “Oh my gosh! How’d you get that bruise?”

I smiled as she apologized for asking a personal question.

I said, “It’s okay. I don’t mind sharing. I’ve been getting some intravenous nutrients the past two months. We couldn’t get the needle in my right arm last week, so I’m a bit bruised. I asked if we could try another vein and it didn’t work. Luckily, we found a vein in my left arm.”

I explained about my turning to integrative medicine again to heal chronic fatigue since it had worked for me in the late 1990s during my first bout of the illness. It turned out that the sales woman had a family member with similar challenges.

Really, there’s no coincidences. So, it made sense why I had shared so personally with a complete stranger. Maybe some of my journey could help her loved one, I reasoned.

The sales woman was curious about how I ended up getting sick. I didn’t want to keep her from doing her job, so I told her I’d give her the short version. I said I made a dream come true of getting my book published and I worked myself to the max for two years. I explained how I neglected my own self-care at times and how I became emotionally upset to the point of making myself ill.

We ended up having a deep conversation about the price we think we need to pay to make our dreams a reality. We both decided that maybe it could be fun or even easy next time around.

I smiled as I walked out of the store. Even though most days the past year I’ve been faced with two or three symptoms each day of varying degrees such as insomnia, digestive challenges, fatigue, soreness, migraines, and mild depression, I have hope. I know that I’ve healed myself before.

I’ve been doing my best to see this recent health challenge as a gift. I figure there’s some things I’m learning. I’ve been able to return to my passions and hobbies, self-care, and learning how to relax again. My inner teacher knows there’s lessons that I can pass along to (hopefully) help others. Some of these lessons have revealed themselves to me. I share the main ones learned so far here with you:

  1. Sometimes, making your dreams come true doesn’t make you happier. As someone who’s creative, sensitive, and a perfectionist, I push myself really hard. I’m hard on myself to do well and please others, along with my intention to be of service to others on the planet. Talk about pressure! I’ve learned that it’s so important to enjoy the process, not just the result. In hindsight, I see that I would have been much less stressed had I just enjoyed the simple pleasures of writing and marketing my book, instead of worrying about making it all perfect. The cost was not only my health, but my inner peace. I’m working on reclaiming both.
  2. If you help even one person, you’ve done your part. Yes, our human side really wants to touch as many lives as possible. If you’re an artist, healer, writer, musician, or scientist, you might be hoping to reach thousands, if not millions of people. You want to make the world a better place. This shows up for some as working to get as many media placements as possible to spread the message. This can be tiring and even distracting from your purpose of actually helping people. I’ve revised my vision to be helping a small corner of the world, the people or tribe I’m meant to help that I can help the most. It might be only hundreds of people and this is okay. If I kill myself overworking and striving in the process, I won’t be around to fulfill my mission
  3. I’ve learned that it’s not about me. Giving birth to a project or book can feel like such a personal thing. The thing is that we’re all an aspect of the universe. The universe needs us to do its work. We’re just willing channels for healing, writing, music, art, ideas, and inspiration. It doesn’t really belong to us personally. It belongs to everyone. Once we release the work into the world, it will take on its own shape and do what it’s meant to do. We might not have control over the process at all. If you’re working for the higher good of all, things will feel natural. If you’re working for your own ego’s gratification, it might not ever feel like enough. You’ll push yourself to achieve, do more, and be more. It becomes about the numbers, not helping people. I myself took on others’ definitions of success for a short time, which is not like me as one who is prone to questioning societal definitions and norms. I’m learning to be okay with how my definition of success is much different from corporate America’s and some in society. My definition includes life balance, happiness, and inner peace. These are more important to me than media placements, my book sales, my social media numbers, or becoming famous.
  4. I’ve learned that it’s so important to remember who you are when you’re working so hard on a goal or project. If you don’t know and honor your values (what’s important to you in life), you’ll get sidetracked. It is all too easy to be pulled in a million directions, but a bit more challenging to stay true to yourself. I myself noticed the areas I wasn’t being authentic and I’m taking small steps to correct this in my personal life and in my business. I’m already feeling happier.

What about you? Have you ever worked hard to make a dream come true and then, felt disappointed? Have you ever sacrificed your true self to work on a goal? How did it make you feel? I’d love to hear about your experiences. By sharing, I think it helps others to not feel so alone. We’re in this journey together.

Temple Hayes Story : Author, Spiritual leader, Difference Maker

By Reverend Temple Hayes
TempleTwitter-small1I remember when I first became involved in the teachings of Unity. I was twenty years old. What a revelation to leave the traditional teachings of the Southern Baptists where I had no choice with everything that was happening to me to a more open and broader perspective of participating with WHAT I wanted to happen with me. I moved from life is happening to me to life is happening for me then to life is happening in me and as me!

Unity was a great bridge for me and unleashed the beginning of a journey that has been profound. After learning how to focus, pray and have a vision, so many dynamic things manifested. It seemed that the grasping and attainment curve was in one direction…straight up.

What a life…up, up and away in whatever color balloon I wanted. Celebrating truth and my constant discovery of Spirit when things were going well was the easy part. Discovering sobriety, shedding weight, discovering love, discovering power (power that I could use in self awareness and realization). It wasn’t TRUTH or CONSEQUENCES; it was TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCEs…lots of them. Good Stuff!

And then I said, “I want to live my FULL potential…I wanted FULL-Fill—Me-nt. I stood in the space of declaration and stated that I wanted to discover all I could about how spirit works in this human life. I wanted to understand how Spirit works in my life. I wanted to understand this ancient pull of my soul that I had connected with at such an early age. I wanted to see how the mystery of life can transcend to a mystic awareness of knowledge that I could understand and embrace forever. I deeply wanted to heal the belief and grief that SOMETHING was still missing in my life. I wanted to do more than sing the peace song while holding hands with others, I wanted to exemplify the peace in which I believed an individual could have. I wanted to experience my life PRESENT by being PRESENT each and every moment.

And Spirit doing what Spirit does heard my plea. My integration began moving into a process on a deeper level. Moving beyond the surface of LECTURE-physics to a soul level of being created such a vulnerability in my life. I felt so out of place. I wasn’t feeling extroverted, I was feeling extremely introverted. I went from enjoying being the center of attention to longing to find the center within myself. I went from being a public person to being very private.

Retreating, retreating, retreating…space, space and more space.

They all came…the shadow selves, the child within, the wounded girl, the unresolved warrior, the insistor/resistor, the pained healer, the betrayed, the abandoned and the good Baptist…oh yes, the one that believed that if you are good, only good can happen. One after one they came…all the roles in the movies that I had played throughout the course of my life.

Then came the other aspects of my spiritual development, the dark night of the soul. The days of the dreary and the weary, the times that you feel no matter what you do, or how you do it, the outside appearance will not come together. The puzzle pieces did not fit no matter how I tried to change them.

If you find you are going through one of these times right now, then embrace the journey that is coming. The inward spiritual quest requires giving up all beliefs of control. What is left is a knowing that there is power within you that can prevail through all things. And no one or no thing can ever take it away once you have developed it.

I use to say the cliché over and over again that I heard in New Thought, “Change your thinking, change your life” now I simply say, “change your life, surrender your life and your thinking will align with you.”

If the vibration in your life is changing and the energy of your light is changing, you absolutely cannot live life the same way. It is impossible. Oh you can for a period of time, you can tell your body that it is okay to have addictions or dependencies, however, the body always tells the truth and it is only a matter a time that you will surrender to the higher calling of the more authentic and natural you.

We can go willingly or painfully. We do not always choose what is happening to us, we do get to choose how we hold relationship with what is happening each and every day. We can see it as necessary and instructive or just the opposite. Yet one truth remains, it has been sent our way, otherwise, it would not be there.

The perception of your Spirit and Spirit itself can greatly be discovered when you know that whatever is happening in your life, it is to connect you at a deeper level with yourself.

If you have been recently rejected in your work or in relationship, it is Spirit operating in your life to bring you to a greater place. If you are facing adversity, let it tell you what it is bringing into your life.

Learn to replace Dear Abby with Dear Spirit / Dear Self. The only answers that will fit or prove true are the ones that you integrate in your life from all that you are.

Your path is unique to you. Pray, connect with quality people in your life, find a new mentor and make sure the clothes (ideas) you are wearing are still effective as you continue to move into a deeper sense of your spirit. You WILL be amazed!

Radiance Factor on VividLife Radio debuted with Anita Moorjani

Recently-Updated2It was an amazing first week for my new radio show The Radiance Factor on VividLife Radio. I can’t thank you all enough for listening, your wonderful feedback, and of course the show’s producer Shayne Travis and my guest Anita Moorjani for sharing their inspirational gifts.

I was very excited about debuting the show with Anita as she exemplifies the message of awakening to our true beauty and sharing it with the world that I hope to make the theme of every show. After battling cancer for 4 years Anita was near the end of her fight; her body was covered in tumors, lungs filled with fluid, in a wheelchair and only able to breathe with the help of an oxygen tank she slipped in to a coma.

At that time Anita was given hours to live by doctors and in the midst of this experience, she was given a level of clarity and peace that told her you will you not die, you will LIVE…you will LOVE yourself…and teach others the power of this amazing gift. She was felt connected to herself and everyone else on a deeper level of pure love that she ever felt imaginable. Anita was reconnected with friends and relatives who had gone on given lessons beyond forgiveness to a level of unconditional acceptance and inspired to return to share these blessings with others.

Upon waking from this coma she healed herself from her Stage 4 cancer and documented her experiences and lessons in her NY Times bestseller “Dying to be me…” which has also been featured on Wayne Dyer’s PBS special “Wishes Fulfilled”, Fox and Friends, CNN, and more.

While we talked about her experiences that surrounded her awakening it was the many takeaways from her life before and after that I want to be sure to share with you:

  • The first lesson Anita shared was that she felt much was that so much of our sickness self-imposed pressure that we place upon ourselves. The pressure to conform to societies, customs, and the beliefs of others that are not in alignment with ourselves, manifests inside of us to make us physically and mentally ill. On the “other side” love was unconditional, it transcended race, beliefs, gender, and the message to gain was that in order to enjoy this life we should work to move beyond these pressures.
  • Along with that came the powerful lesson is self-acceptance. Throughout her life she was bullied, discriminated against, and in turn, joined in the fight with others by beating herself up. Like many of us, she was steeped in self-doubt and buried in question that left her thinking; Why am I so harsh on myself?  Suppressing my creativity to please others?  Seeking approval?  Tough on myself? Before you can see the beauty in life or others you have to start by seeing the beauty in you! The beholder right?
  • Next was her awareness to the power of acceptance which came from a feeling of reconnection to her father with whom she had a difficult relationship and who had died 10 years earlier. This experience provided insights into both our relationships on Earth and to those spirits who have gone on that forgiveness is not enough. To forgive someone still acknowledges the wrong between you, unconditional acceptance however gives power to the connection between people that releases each of you to love freely.

The most meaningful lesson Anita says she learned from being at death’s door is that unless we love ourselves, nothing else in our lives can function at their best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy we experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love we have for ourselves. The amount of love, kindness, patience we have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness we have for ourselves, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. And, unsurprisingly, the amount of love, respect, support, and compassion I receive from others is also in direct proportion to how much of the same I have for myself.

Her life is much more joyful and meaningful now, and she says she has much more love to share with others than ever before, which she does unconditionally.. But most important, she now understands that if we do not express our authenticity, the Universe will be deprived of who we came here to be.

Be you, as you were meant to be.

You can listen to the actual radio broadcast with Anita Moorjani here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/vividliferadio/2013/09/10/anita-moorjani-dying-to-be-me

Lisa Selow Podcast – Using Creativity as Self-Care

 Join Michelle and Lisa Selow, author of A Rebel Chick’s Mystic Guide: Healing Your Spirit with Positive Rebellion, as they discuss ways to nurture your spirit and well-being through your creative expression. They share ways to tap your creativity physically and artistically to provide balance, focus, clarity and calm which radiates bliss and success throughout every area of your life.

To Download the Podcast. Right Click Here and choose “Save Link As”

What You Really Need to be Happy

By Erin Cox

Only 1 in 3 Americans describes themselves as “very happy” according to the Harris Poll. In a country with so much material wealth and comfort, shouldn’t we be happier? Many experts cite economic woes contributing to more stress and overall dissatisfaction, but I’d like to suggest my own ideas here.

Happiness is found in simple things, and that is something many of us have lost touch with. I have friends who have had the opportunity to volunteer in third world countries and they have all commented on how happy most people appeared, despite such abject poverty. These underprivileged people gave freely of the little material they had and appeared to find happiness in family, nature, and community. I am sure the adults have a level of constant stress related to protecting and feeding their families, so I’m not saying that we should ditch our lovely homes, massive supermarkets, clean drinking water, and sanitation. What I am saying is that we have an opportunity to embrace the simple joys, leading to a peaceful joy, while embracing and living our passion in life, which can lead to a whole new level of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Here is what I see as the progression of happiness:

Taking pleasure in simple joys and being in awe of the beauty that surrounds us. This means appreciating a sunrise, savoring a cup of coffee, snuggling with a child, hugging your friend, or smelling a flower. Really, the basis of this simple joy is being grateful and feeling thankful as you notice all the kind people, beautiful sights, and blessings that surround you. This is what people in third world countries often do so well and we tend to forget about.

Making enough money to cover basic economic needs. An article in Forbes describes a study performed at Princeton, which studied 500,000 U.S. households and found that happiness increased in participants as their incomes increased…up to $75,000. There is no increase in happiness after earning more than that. This tells me that the stress of not having enough to pay for bills, groceries, and family activities can cause our happiness to be impacted, but that wealth doesn’t bring happiness either.

The “grand trio” of gratitude, adequate income, and feeling respected. If you can find joy in the simple pleasures of life, make enough money to pay your bills and live comfortably, AND feel respected, then you are well on your way to serious happiness. New research published in the journal Psychological Science showed that overall happiness was strongly correlated to feeling admired and respected; much more than the amount of money one has in their bank account.

Beyond bliss = the grand trio plus vibrant health, fulfilling work, and a sense of community! I had to mention health here because if you are not feeling well or if you are exhausted and run down all the time, then you can’t possibly live your life to the fullest. It’s much more difficult to feel happy until you are well rested and healthy. Make your basic health a major priority and try not to take wellness for granted! I know that I am happiest when I feel passionate and fulfilled by my work and feel balanced in my home life. You are starting to approach bliss when you are healthy and know you are doing something worthwhile in your profession that gives you a deep sense of gratification. Add in a network of supportive friends and family who make you feel like you “belong” and as though someone will always your back can push you in to the realm of deep joy.

What are your thoughts about what makes people truly happy? Where can you make tweaks in your life to bring more joy? Working your tail off to make six figures at the expense of your ability to savor time with your family or enjoy the simple things might be things to reconsider.

I wish each of you more simple pleasures, gratitude, respect, vibrant health, and love in your life!

Wellness and Joy

By Megan Alice Arterberry

I have a great appreciation for the ancient wisdom of Ayurveda, “the science of life,” and have seen and felt the profound effects firsthand with its gentle, nurturing healing power. A practioner neatly put it “Ayurveda meets the individual where they’re at and guides them back to their true nature.”
In Ayurveda, diet, yoga, meditation, body oils, and medicinal herbs are the cornerstones to balance and health. It is recommended to do a self massage everyday with oil (great after dry brushing), which will not only feel great and make your skin look great, but will calm your nervous system, which is crucial for reducing stress. The use of herbs is a plant-based internal holistic medicine. In my own experience struggling with acne, holistic medicine was the only thing that got to the root where I saw and felt real and lasting results. I also changed my diet, going organic, and used getting out into nature as a healing force (walks at the beach and hikes in the mountains). Diet and exercise are often used as a punishment by those seeking to look better. But, this type of approach will never make you feel better, so is counterproductive because, when you feel good, you look good. Eating nourishing, flavorful, fulfilling foods that bring you health and joy along with enjoyable exercise is a realistic lifestyle change that has real staying power.
Wellness is and should be a joy!

How to Stop Impulsive Spending in 5 Simple Steps

By Kate Northrup

Have you ever bought something that in the moment felt like the best purchase EVER, only to wonder what the heck you were thinking when you got your credit card bill three weeks later?

If so, you may have fallen prey to impulsive spending.

Money is a deeply emotional issue. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or totally out of touch.

We buy things because we want to feel a certain way: abundant, pretty, comfortable, sexy, etc. But the truth is, the path to long-term, sustainable happiness is not actually paved in paper and plastic (bills and credit cards, that is.)

Just like alcohol, drugs, food, sex, and any other vice you can name, spending money can be a way to numb out. Sometimes we’re trying to avoid feeling what we’re feeling so we pull out our credit card.

So how do we stop impulsive spending? How do we make smarter, more mindful spending decisions that actually DO contribute to sustainable happiness and financial well-being?

I’m so glad you asked because this week’s Financial Freedom Friday episode covers this topic in depth.

Watch the video below to get 5 simple steps you can take to stop impulsive spending before it even starts. Your bank account, credit card balances, savings account, and peace of mind will all thank you 🙂

Share the #MoneyLove:

Stop impulsive spending before it even starts in 5 simple steps: http://bit.ly/17pH9Aw (Tweet it!)

Over to you:

When do you find yourself the most prone to impulsive spending? What other tips do you have for stopping impulsive spending? Leave a comment below!

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino Podcast – Never Ever Give Up- Ever!

Throughout our lives we are faced with adversity and obstacles which challenge our will and strengthen our character…once we’ve gone through them of course! Join Michelle and author/radio host of the Best Ever You! network Elizabeth Hamilton-Gaurino as they share defining moments and the tools they’ve used to overcome them. On this podcast they discuss was to deal with “problems”, create solutions and how to build an effective support system to conquer whatever life hands you.

To Download the Podcast. Right Click Here and choose “Save Link As”

What To Do When You Can’t Decide

By Lissa Rankin

FYC

We usually refer to “finding your calling” as getting in touch with your life purpose. But you may be called to do any number of things that may have nothing to do with your professional life. These types of callings tend to come up whenever you find yourself unable to make a decision.

Should you stay or should you go?

Should you follow your intuition or play it safe?

Should you take a leap of faith or stay on the cliff?

Decisions can be beastly, especially when the stakes are high. But you don’t have to make these decisions alone. I believe The Universe calls to us, guiding us to where we’re meant to be. In the beginning, this guidance will show up in subtle ways, like a thought or an idea that feels like a crazy idea. Then you might read something that feels like it was meant just for you, something that reinforces the crazy idea.  Then that perfect book- the one you were SO supposed to read right now- falls off the shelf in front of you. Then you have a dream full of instructions, or you see a vision of something, or you hear a voice telling you what you need to do.

How You Know When You’re Being Guided

You may not recognize the guidance at first. You might not even notice it, and if you do, you might write it off as mere coincidence.  But if you don’t pay attention to the first whisperings, then the signs from the Universe get more obvious. You may get physical symptoms because you’re not listening to the whispers. Things might start happening to rock you out of your comfort zone.

Things might even start to get really trippy.  You bump into the person you need to be talking with in the middle of Central Park when neither of you even live in New York City.  You’re talking on the telephone, confessing what you know you must do to a dear friend, and right when you share how scared you are, a walkie talkie voice interferes with the phone line and tells you you’re not alone. You find out that you and your mentor are being guided by a spirit guide who calls himself by the same name.

This is when you know you are being called. You’ve been given clear instructions. But you may not like the instructions you’re being given.

You Still Have Choice

Free will is a funny thing when it comes to spiritual guidance. I believe we are guided with “signs from the Universe,” and these signs are suggestions, recommendations even. But we don’t have to follow the guidance. We have free will, and we may either fail to observe the signs or ignore the signs.

I think we’re given a lot of leeway when we first become aware of something we’re being called to do. We’re given a sort of grace period, a Divine time out, during which we have the opportunity to make peace with what is being asked of us. The Universe gives us a break and understands why we’re not doing what we know we must.  So there are no immediate consequences to failing to heed the guidance. The Universe understand that we’re only human.

The Grace Period Ends

But then one day, the grace period is over, and what we’re being called to do becomes urgent.  The signs from the Universe start coming fast and furious. The Universe is not going to let you off the hook any longer.

At this point, you still have a choice. You have free will. But if you don’t act on what is being asked of you once your grace period is over, things will start being reorganized for you, and you may feel like you no longer have a choice. You’ll get fired from that job you’ve known you’re supposed to quit. The relationship you’ve been thinking about ending will end without your choice.  Your life will start reorganizing in order to make this thing that must happen inevitable, until you’re laughing or crying at how obvious it is that you’re NOT LISTENING to what you’re being guided to do.

When It’s Time To Surrender

That’s when you finally throw your hands up and say, “I give!” You surrender. You strap on your seatbelt because you know you’re about to go for the ride of your life, and it’s a ride you can’t control, so you might as well throw your hands up and yell, “WHEEEEEEEE!” You’ll feel the butterflies, the roller coaster feeling in your belly, and it will just be a sign that you’re on the right path, even though you don’t know where you’re going.

What If Your Calling Hasn’t Showed Up Yet?

Join me, Martha Beck, and Amy Ahlers for Find Your Calling, a free teleclass  designed specifically to help you hear your inner guidance, get in touch with your life purpose, and do your part to change the world. We remember how much angst this can inspire, and we all have so much compassion for you if you’re one of those who is still struggling to find your life’s purpose.

If you already know what’s calling you, and you’re still in your grace period, your job is to just make peace with the truth of what you know you must do. If your grace period is over, you might as well just do what you’re being guided to do. Just let go, darling… your resistance only makes it harder. Trust that the Universe would never guide you to make a choice that isn’t safe, and there is no reason for you to be afraid.

Are You Being Guided?

Is there something you just know, but you’re too afraid to acknowledge it? Are you in denial about something you’re being called to do? Are you still trying to find your calling? Tell us your stories in the comments.

Letting go,

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The Single Best Relationship Tip Ever

By Dr. Wendy Walsh

207150_1381When couples are asked to name their biggest relationship problem, hands down, the most reported issue is communication. But there’s one simple trick that most couples’ counselors teach. It has helped save many a marriage and is called emotional mirroring.

The exercise goes like this. Couples sit face to face and hold hands. One partner talks about a relationship issue and the other listens intently and attempts to understand how the other must be feeling. This isn’t a game of who’s right and who’s wrong. Even if the facts don’t seem accurate, the partner who is listening must believe that the feelings associated with the partner’s memory of events are valid and real. After the partner finishes speaking, the listener repeats back in her or her own words what they think the partner is saying. Then they switch sides. The object of the exercise is to teach empathy for a partner’s experience, it is not to argue the facts.

When you try this for the first time, you might be really surprised to find that your partner didn’t hear you well, or translated your words into a totally different meaning! This is a great way to practice love and acceptance. To get you started, here are a few ground rules:

1. Arrange the time for emotional mirroring when there will be no distractions like children, phone or television.

2. Before you begin, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes and tell your partner you love them.

3. Toss a coin to determine who goes first and switch off each time you do the exercise.

4. The partner who shares first must try to not blame the other but instead focus on feelings and reactions to the other’s behavior. No name calling. No angry attacks. Keep voices calm.

Do this at least once a week and watch your relationship blossom into a loving, secure attachment.

You can catch more from Dr. Wendy on her website: Www.DrWendyWalsh.com