Mind – Page 6

If You Have Nothing Nice to Say…

By Joan Herrmann

If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. Ah… a mother’s wisdom. I’m sure most of us have been told this many, many times. But, how many of us actually follow this sage advice?

Words are a powerful force and the powerful effects of negative words cannot be underestimated. Words are remembered long after they are spoken. They have the power to destroy one’s self-esteem and self-confidence, making someone feel less than adequate and fearful. Words leave invisible bruises that can last a lifetime.

Most of us understand that negative words hurt, and yet, how many of us actually stop and think BEFORE making a negative or disparaging comment? Do we ever think about the impact our message has on the recipient or is it so important for our opinion to be heard that the consequences are insignificant to us?

And it is not only personal comments from others that can be damaging. Being in the company of people who frequently complain or see the bad in everything can be just as emotionally detrimental. Such people project a negative energy that soon infiltrates everything and everyone around them.

Case in point. My 18-year-old son recently completed a certification course at our local fire academy and is currently working toward becoming a fireman. This is his dream and he is taking the appropriate steps to that end. He is attending college to earn a degree. He has been a volunteer for two years. He strives to learn everything about his chosen profession. After he completed the certification test, I posted on my personal Facebook page about his status. Someone immediately commented that her son took the test a few years back and is number 5,000 waiting for a job. She went on to say that it is impossible to get a job and anyone who goes into the profession is crazy.

I’m not sure why she made that post. Perhaps she was trying to relay information. Maybe she is upset about the fact that her son has not been hired. Maybe she was having a bad day. I don’t know her motive, but I do know that a comment like that has the power to cast doubt in a young man’s mind, cause him to question his direction, and possibly even shatter his dream. Once a thought like that gets planted in someone’s thoughts, it’s more difficult to stay on course. How often does this happen to you? How often are you the one making this type of comment or how often are you the recipient?

A new year is approaching and this is a time when many self reflect and try to enact positive change. I encourage you to become more cognizant of what you say. Stop and think BEFORE the words come out. You have the power to impact another positively or negatively. You have the power to be a mentor or cheerleader of a dream, or the destroyer. Remember that mother always knows best and if you have nothing nice to say, pray one of my favorite prayers: “Lord, put your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.”

I wish you all a blessed holiday season.

Start Where You’re At

By Lisa Selow

CC Image courtesy of kpishdadi on Flickr

Many of you have big goals, dreams, and visions. You have desires. It all can get so overwhelming at times. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve stood there stopped in my tracks, thinking, “How will I get from here to there?”

Your desires might seem far away. Maybe you put them on the back burner for a while? Maybe you just can’t think about them ‘cause you’re not taking action and it hurts too much not to make them happen? Maybe you’re not sure where to even start? Yes, I know what those feelings are like too. I myself have been prone to procrastination and perfectionism, which ends up meaning that I wouldn’t start or finish anything.

I recommend starting where you’re at. Take one action step today in the direction of your desires. Tomorrow, same thing. Take another, small action step. Just keep going. (I like Dory’s quote in the animated film, “Finding Nemo”: “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.”) Eventually, you’ll get “there.”

I’m really not into the idea of “getting there,” though. I see the process as the place where there is joy. The destination, to be honest, is not as fun or sexy as the journey. So, why not enjoy the journey?

It’s totally okay to just start where you’re at, even if you are sort of imperfect. What if your so-called imperfection was PERFECT?

What if your human side is that part of you that is beautiful and talented? What if you are denying others joy in experiencing that part of you?

What if you didn’t wait to be an expert or have the perfect abs? I mean, everyone is a beginner in some way, I promise you. Be okay with looking like an ass or silly. Why not? What others think of you is none of your business, as a wise spiritual teacher once said.

This past year, I had to tap into my inner life coach due to some self-doubts. I let my ego get in the way of continuing towards my dreams. In an online group I’m in, I was discussing my dream of studying to become a yoga teacher in the future. Someone there projected their reality onto me about what it means to be a yoga teacher. She said you have to be “religious” about it all and dedicating most of your time to it, to be a great teacher. The person shared a video of some teachers doing the very “advanced” asanas (postures) in yoga. Also, she said that I’d probably get bored teaching yoga due to it not being creative enough for me.

All of these limiting beliefs were not mine, I realized. I did have to dig deep ‘cause it really hurt. I’m a sensitive type of person. I ended up seeing this hurtful exchange as a gift. It showed me what I really believe about being a yoga teacher:

I can start where I’m at. I’ve done yoga for years, but I don’t have to be perfect.

All that is required to teach is an open-heart and an intention to serve, along with the knowledge of teaching others how to do the asanas safely

It’s okay to be a work in progress.

I define teacher and student as the same thing. I really feel as though we are both.

I don’t have to be an expert. I can acquire the knowledge, wisdom, and guidance from books, classes, and teachers and share it with love in my heart.

I’ve probably been a yoga teacher in many past lives and that DOES count!

Yoga is more to me. It’s the connection within and to the divine and others. It’s the harmonics of music and peaceful feelings from meditation. It’s the feeling of flow and allowing and accepting. It’s union.

Yoga is not a religion. It’s a spiritual practice.

I don’t have to be able to do the “advanced asanas” so that I can teach yoga. Again, it’s okay to be a work in progress.

I am into beginner’s mind. I love approaching yoga and other things in life like I’m a little kid learning it for the first time.

So, I felt better.

What about you? Do you ever struggle with getting from here to there? How do you feel about starting where you’re at right now? How do you handle the naysayers when it comes to your goals, dreams, and vision? Please share in the comments below.

3 Ways to Experience Peace Through the Craziness of Life

By Eric Cox

Peaceful day I am guessing you are a driven woman with a list of goals and dreams a few pages long. I know I am, and between my strong desire to feel like an awesome mom and wife as well as carrying out all of these dreams, what most often gets lost in the mix is time for ourselves and our own inner peace.

A million stressors overwhelm and distract us.

We all go through stages where bury our heads in work and family, and sometimes miss the opportunities to look up and experience the world around us. We get caught up, stuck in our heads, and miss the beauty of the bigger picture.

The idea of being peaceful often stays a “nice concept” that we don’t feel like we can afford, but it sounds lovely. We exclude ourselves from the category of deserving or being able to have a peaceful existence. It just doesn’t seem realistic considering all we have to get done.

How can we finally live a peaceful existence amidst the noise? We must start by making an effort and taking little steps each day. With practice and experiencing the positive results, you’ll work harder and harder to make time for yourself and your inner peace!

Here are a few completely doable ideas for you:

Start the day off by enjoying stillness. This may mean we wake up 30 minutes earlier than everyone else that will be rushing to get ready for school or work but this time can help set the tone for our day. I use this time to meditate, pray, and enjoy a cup of coffee. Others like to get out first thing and exercise in peace or go for a walk. Don’t use this time to make a to-do list or read the news – there’s plenty of time for that and it only clutters our mind on what there is to do rather than allowing us to clear our mind.

Take breaks throughout the day. We don’t have to jump from one thing to another. Step away from the computer, delay a scheduled trip to the grocery store – there’s plenty of time for that, too. Repeat the mantra, “there is plenty of time for everything I need to get done today.” Often, our busy-ness is simply a mindset. We all are truly busy, but it’s also a story that we get wrapped up in. Breathe. Sit back and read a book. Savor a cup of tea, Take a look around for a few minutes and let thoughts flow. Then… get back to business more refreshed, clear-headed, and mindful.

Go off-track. Spontaneously go on a walk, run an errand, call a friend for a glass of wine – do something that shifts your tempo of urgency to slow you down. Don’t rush. Take a look around, breathe, and intentionally take in the beautiful world around you. As the thoughts of, “I should be….” enter your mind, invite them to leave.

All of these actions will encourage you to develop the healthy habits of making time for yourself and taking breaks so that you can experience peace amidst the noise.

You’ll be amazed by how much more efficient you are by granting yourself the gift of peace. When we re-set our focus by interjecting peaceful moments through a day, we tend to get more done and have a calmer approach to the tasks we’re committed to fulfilling.

Live the moments – don’t let them pass you by.

Please share what you do to maintain your inner peace and joy throughout the day!

Healthy Boundaries Create Healthy Relationships

By Crystal Andrus.

Crystal-Simply-woman-cropped-300x336 After writing an article on “rejection”, I received a few private messages from women asking if I would write more about “boundaries.”

In that blog, I explained that boundary setting is hands-down the most important lesson we women need to learn:

“Healthy boundaries are like having a front door with a lock on it.
You have the right to keep out unpleasant visitors.”

Boundary setting was certainly my most important lesson to learn in order to become empowered, because without healthy boundaries I created unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships . . . and I didn’t even realize I was doing it!

As someone who has tended to over-give, over-do, over-protect, even over-try, I have to remind myself when I begin taking on more than I feel comfortable with — whether it be helping a friend, counseling a family member through a rough time, or offering to “pick up the slack” for someone who has “bitten off more than they can chew” – to back up, slow down, and really ask myself:

“Do I want to be doing this?”

“Is this improving my life or exhausting me?”

“Has this started to become a co-dependent relationship with me as the ‘mother / caretaker’ and them as my ‘child / responsibility’?”

By being aware of how I feel (i.e. drained, frustrated, even resentful), I’ve learned how to catch myself from stepping into chaos, drama, and dysfunction much sooner than I used to.

As a coach (and this goes for most therapists, healers, nurses, counselors, etc.), we have a natural tendency to want to “fix things”, but without learning healthy boundary setting, we can too easily take on the weight of the world and inevitably, hurt the very person we wanted to help because we are giving more than we can afford to lose and eventually, we burnout, become angry, or breakdown. We’re no good to anyone.

Not to mention, I can almost see my weight rising when I’m forgetting to set a boundary. Doesn’t matter how many jogs I take, broccoli I eat, or protein shakes I drink, the weight predictably comes on. I literally carry the weight of my unhealthy boundaries on my body.

Many of us didn’t witness healthy boundaries growing up, whether it was our mother who allowed others to disrespect, use, or abuse her, including us — her child (his is called “porous boundaries”); or our father who was so strict he was like a brick wall (“rigid boundaries”). Either way, we didn’t learn what “healthy” looks like.

On the other hand, we could have had wonderful parents and yet someone else in our life—a teacher, grandparent, uncle, family friend, cousin, brother, whoever—stepped across our personal boundary field and physically, verbally, emotionally, or sexually abused us.

When abuse happens, we lose the ability to realize we have the power to say “no”. This feeling of being unable to protect ourselves can follow us throughout our lives and before we know it, we find ourselves in situations, both big and small, that confront us with our lack of confidence, personal power, and low self-worth.

In fact, I was just speaking to a beautiful, smart, talented woman who told me she was experiencing so much anxiety because her boss had been getting too close physically and would say inappropriate sexual things to her. She wasn’t doing anything flirtatious to provoke him, and couldn’t understand why he was acting this way.

I asked her why she didn’t tell him to back off and her response was that she “didn’t want to hurt his feelings or make things worse by putting her foot down”.

In other words, she was a “people pleaser”.

She hated how she felt around him but didn’t know how to establish a healthy boundary.

As we looked back at her life, she saw a strong pattern of many men being inappropriate with her and her feeling powerless (even as a teenage girl with boys). It was almost as though she believed, “It’s a man’s world and that’s just the way it is. I have no choice.”

Rather than staying focused on the problem, I asked her what she wanted to feel instead.

What are your intentions? I asked her. “What do you want? What would courage have you do?”

* * *

The first step in setting healthy boundaries is for us to be able to identify our own needs, wants, opinions, and rights:

– “Does this feel good to me or does this feel like I’m being manipulated for someone’s gain?”

Once we know how we feel about a situation, we must respect ourselves, and our needs. We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves—by what we’re willing to accept.

We must all learn to clearly identify what it is we want in our relationships (how we want to feel about ourselves), and then become skilled at assertively expressing ourselves: “When you _______ (fill in the unhealthy behavior), it makes me feel _________. If you can’t be more respectful to me, I will have to _________ (list the consequences and stick to them).”

This process allows our “Woman Energy” to emerge.

Here are some more tips for setting healthy boundaries, modified from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine:

– When you feel angry or resentful, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself then communicate your boundary assertively.

– When you identify the need to set a boundary, be clear, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. And most importantly, be confident about your needs and feelings surrounding this situation.

– Do not justify, apologize for, or rationalize the boundary you are setting. Do not argue! Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.

– You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting.

– At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary but you can’t establish a clear boundary successfully if you send a mixed message by apologizing afterward.

– When you set boundaries, you might be tested (especially by those accustomed to controlling you, abusing you, or manipulating you). Stay strong.

– Eliminate toxic people from your life. It may feel mean or unkind but your health depends on the quality of the relationships you have. Bad attention is not better than no attention at all. Don’t play with bullies — even if they’re family members. Showing them that you won’t allow them in your life if they want to create problems for you, will help them too become better people.

Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. After awhile, it will be second nature. In fact, people will “feel” your confident assertiveness, and soon you will rarely be “tested”. It’s just an energy you give off: Woman Energy! BAM!

I’d love to know how you feel about today’s blog. Please leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you!

Warmly,

Crystal

What To Do When Life Gets in the Way of Your Success

By Erin Cox

1234339_10151941624206060_1739240198_n Today I am writing from my brother and sister-in-laws home during a crazy California tour. We spent the first part of this week on the Central Coast of California with my in-law’s, and now we are in Mammoth Lakes celebrating my brother-in-law’s 40^th birthday. I wouldn’t miss this week for anything… but it is certainly putting a cramp in my new class launch planning and editorial calendar. I thought I’d have plenty of free time to fit in some planning and writing during this week… but “life” has gotten in the way (as in swinging at the beach, savoring fish tacos while listening to a live reggae band, playing at the beach, hiking with an ocean view, engaging in deep family conversations over delicious meals and wine…etc.). These moments are what life’s really all about!

Every single mom I know goes through frustrating moments when she has an amazing creative project that is aching to be created or book that needs to be written or a product about to launch… but then life gets in the way. A child comes home from school sick, family comes to town for a visit, children need to be fed, or a household is getting too far out of control and the passion projects often have to be set-aside for the moment.

In our hearts we want to be the “good mom” and keep our priorities properly aligned, but it can leave us feeling constantly frustrated and as though the feat of accomplishing our goals is always just out of grasp. Sometimes we just don’t get as much done as we planned to and it can stress us out!

When you are a woman with firm priorities who strives to keep her family and marriage first, this feeling of internal struggle can become all to familiar. As a woman who struggles with this daily, and as a mentor who coaches women who deal with this as well, I know it’s a fact of life for ambitious parents who are balancing so much!

Here are a few keys to thriving through the madness, and achieving great success while raising a family:

Keep your deadlines realistic and build in time for unexpected events and duties that “pop up.” Also be okay if it takes you twice as long as others to launch your class or a year to write your book. If that’s what it takes to live in alignment with your priorities, then so be it! Don’t fight it, accept and embrace that things just might take longer.
Get help with the domestic duties of maintaining your home (i.e. cleaning) so you can focus your at-home time on engaging with your family.
Focus on being where you are! It can be easy to ruminate about the fact that your projects are falling behind while trying to participate in a toddler tea party…just as we can suffer from guilt while we toil away for hours at our computers and others are looking after your kids. In both scenarios, everyone suffers. When you are at work, focus like a laser and eliminate distractions (to the extent possible) and at the end of your workday, put aside your work, be grateful for what you accomplished, and head to give your spouse and children the very best gift – a completely present, on fire, and fulfilled woman.
Involve your family by describing your projects and work with excitement and delight so they can better understand why it matters and why you have to spend time away from them. (If you can’t describe your projects with excitement and delight… consider a career change!)
Take regular and sometimes extended time off where there is no computer, no phone, nothing but you and your loved ones.

You are ambitious because you have something unique and beautiful to share with the world. By living your purpose, you are setting an amazing example for your children. Accomplishing your professional goals will also make you a more fulfilled and happier person to be around, as long as you aren’t sacrificing those that matter most to you!

When you can truly focus on what you’re doing and “be” where you are, use realistic expectations and deadlines, and keep your priorities properly aligned – that’s when you are achieving authentic success.

Louise Hay is true beauty!

LIKE MOST PEOPLE, I first came in contact with the work and spirit of Louise Hay at a difficult time in my life. Although I was living my professional dream of being a celebrity makeup artist and stylist, there was a nagging emptiness in my personal life that I hadn’t put my finger on. That was until the day I was drawn into a bookstore with a little extra time on my hands.

I had no idea what led me to that store any more than the divine hand that guided me to a copy of You Can Heal Your Life. I had never heard of Louise Hay, or any other Hay House authors, yet as I flipped through the pages her words touched me like no other book ever had. From the moment I opened the cover I couldn’t put it down. It felt as though she was speaking directly to me, touching me in a way that didn’t just encourage and strengthen my mind, it validated and invigorated my soul. I felt as though everything I believed spiritually, but had previously questioned, was ringing true through the power of her words. These were beliefs that I had discounted up until that very moment because they were so different from those everyone around me held. Wrapped in Louise’s words I had found freedom, security, and a spiritual home.

Along with discovering the strength of my authentic self came the realization that I did not truly love who I was. On top of that, I was in a marriage with someone who did not love or honor who I was and definitely not who I was becoming as I grew.

I continued on the path of self-discovery, though, by reading more Hay House books and attending workshops. After eventually leaving my unhappy marriage, and still in the depths of the soul search, I would have another more personal and divine encounter with Louise. When a mutual friend invited me to the I Can Do It Event in Tampa to meet Louise, I jumped at the opportunity.

Even a brief “audience” with Louise was life changing, and while my career was taking off in the ways I had always dreamed it would, Louise’s spirit and words were guiding me in a new direction. I knew what I was truly intended to do, along with focusing on external beauty as a makeup artist, my calling was to be a teacher and help people bring true beauty to their lives. I was to help others feel this beauty by learning to love themselves the way I had from Louise. I created a vision board with the picture of Louise and me in the very center and the journey began.

Two years from then I would take my seat at the Speak, Write and Promote Event in Boston, moments later to be joined by Louise herself. From the first time I picked up her book to the times spent with her today, and now as a Hay House author. I cherish beyond words the guidance her spirit has been to mine. To be a part of the Hay House family and for my message to have the endorsement of trust that comes with her name brings tears of joy and gratitude I could never truly express.

You Are What You Think

By Joan Herrmann

“You’re fat!” “You’re stupid!” “You don’t have the right education!” “You’ll never be able to get the promotion!” “No man will ever want you!” “You’re old!” “She doesn’t like you!” “You’re ugly!” “You can’t do anything right!”

Do any of these words sound familiar? While most people would never consider speaking to another with such negative, degrading words, we have no problem saying these things to ourselves. The rant of self-abusive language runs rampant for most on any given day.

It is estimated that the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts per day, 80% of which are negative (and this is a conservative estimate). Imagine 48,000 negative thoughts running through your mind every day of every week, of every month, of every year – year after year! It’s no wonder we feel beaten up, insecure, fearful, and anxious. No one could survive that abuse unscathed.

You’ve heard the expression, “You are what you eat.” Well, just as important, “You are what you think.” Your thoughts influence your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and they have a profound impact on your physical and emotional health.

So, how can you eliminate negative self-talk, especially when you may not even be aware that it’s happening? The following exercise is designed to help you recognize your thoughts and learn to replace the negative with a more positive, self-affirming thought.

Get a notebook or journal and create four columns on each page. Label the top of each column, “Thought”, “Location”, “Activity”, “New Thought”. For one to two weeks, write down your negative thoughts and where you were and what you were doing at the time. Every time a negative thought comes into your head, write it down. Note where you were at the time and what you were doing. Leave column four blank. If you can’t write down all of your negative thoughts, make a commitment to jot down at least five to 10 per day. Do not evaluate during this period.
Reread your journal after the one to two weeks. Determine what underlying themes or messages are behind your negative thoughts. What were some of the triggers? What activities or people triggered negative thoughts?
Evaluate the validity of the thoughts. Ask yourself if there is any truth to what you’re thinking. Are there things you can change? Which thoughts are garbage that must be deleted? Now work on deleting them.
Ask yourself how can you change the negative thought to a positive one. Instead of looking at situations in the worst light, try to find the positive aspects and focus on them. For instance, if you worry about the results of a test and start thinking of the negative consequences, such as failing a class, turn it around. Focus on the fact that whether you pass or not, you did your best and learned important information. Avoid thinking about the worst-case scenarios. They usually never happen. Write down the “new thought” in the fourth column.
Monitor your thoughts. When you are thinking negatively, stop yourself as soon as you realize it and replace the negative thought with your “new thought”. Even though negative thoughts will always come up, the perseverance you develop will keep you going and after time the old thoughts will be replaced with the new ones.

To learn more about this topic and exercise, listen to Joan’s discussion with Michelle at: https://michellephillipsblog.com/2013/09/12/joan-herman-change-your-attitude-change-your-life/

What If Making Your Dreams Come True Doesn’t Make You Happier?

By Lisa Selow

hemingwayquote The sales woman was kind to me, asking me if I needed help. I was taking my time, which has become a normal thing for me as I heal myself of chronic fatigue syndrome. Rushing around just isn’t an option any more.

She looked down at the dark bluish bruise on my right arm, blurting out, “Oh my gosh! How’d you get that bruise?”

I smiled as she apologized for asking a personal question.

I said, “It’s okay. I don’t mind sharing. I’ve been getting some intravenous nutrients the past two months. We couldn’t get the needle in my right arm last week, so I’m a bit bruised. I asked if we could try another vein and it didn’t work. Luckily, we found a vein in my left arm.”

I explained about my turning to integrative medicine again to heal chronic fatigue since it had worked for me in the late 1990s during my first bout of the illness. It turned out that the sales woman had a family member with similar challenges.

Really, there’s no coincidences. So, it made sense why I had shared so personally with a complete stranger. Maybe some of my journey could help her loved one, I reasoned.

The sales woman was curious about how I ended up getting sick. I didn’t want to keep her from doing her job, so I told her I’d give her the short version. I said I made a dream come true of getting my book published and I worked myself to the max for two years. I explained how I neglected my own self-care at times and how I became emotionally upset to the point of making myself ill.

We ended up having a deep conversation about the price we think we need to pay to make our dreams a reality. We both decided that maybe it could be fun or even easy next time around.

I smiled as I walked out of the store. Even though most days the past year I’ve been faced with two or three symptoms each day of varying degrees such as insomnia, digestive challenges, fatigue, soreness, migraines, and mild depression, I have hope. I know that I’ve healed myself before.

I’ve been doing my best to see this recent health challenge as a gift. I figure there’s some things I’m learning. I’ve been able to return to my passions and hobbies, self-care, and learning how to relax again. My inner teacher knows there’s lessons that I can pass along to (hopefully) help others. Some of these lessons have revealed themselves to me. I share the main ones learned so far here with you:

Sometimes, making your dreams come true doesn’t make you happier. As someone who’s creative, sensitive, and a perfectionist, I push myself really hard. I’m hard on myself to do well and please others, along with my intention to be of service to others on the planet. Talk about pressure! I’ve learned that it’s so important to enjoy the process, not just the result. In hindsight, I see that I would have been much less stressed had I just enjoyed the simple pleasures of writing and marketing my book, instead of worrying about making it all perfect. The cost was not only my health, but my inner peace. I’m working on reclaiming both.
If you help even one person, you’ve done your part. Yes, our human side really wants to touch as many lives as possible. If you’re an artist, healer, writer, musician, or scientist, you might be hoping to reach thousands, if not millions of people. You want to make the world a better place. This shows up for some as working to get as many media placements as possible to spread the message. This can be tiring and even distracting from your purpose of actually helping people. I’ve revised my vision to be helping a small corner of the world, the people or tribe I’m meant to help that I can help the most. It might be only hundreds of people and this is okay. If I kill myself overworking and striving in the process, I won’t be around to fulfill my mission
I’ve learned that it’s not about me. Giving birth to a project or book can feel like such a personal thing. The thing is that we’re all an aspect of the universe. The universe needs us to do its work. We’re just willing channels for healing, writing, music, art, ideas, and inspiration. It doesn’t really belong to us personally. It belongs to everyone. Once we release the work into the world, it will take on its own shape and do what it’s meant to do. We might not have control over the process at all. If you’re working for the higher good of all, things will feel natural. If you’re working for your own ego’s gratification, it might not ever feel like enough. You’ll push yourself to achieve, do more, and be more. It becomes about the numbers, not helping people. I myself took on others’ definitions of success for a short time, which is not like me as one who is prone to questioning societal definitions and norms. I’m learning to be okay with how my definition of success is much different from corporate America’s and some in society. My definition includes life balance, happiness, and inner peace. These are more important to me than media placements, my book sales, my social media numbers, or becoming famous.
I’ve learned that it’s so important to remember who you are when you’re working so hard on a goal or project. If you don’t know and honor your values (what’s important to you in life), you’ll get sidetracked. It is all too easy to be pulled in a million directions, but a bit more challenging to stay true to yourself. I myself noticed the areas I wasn’t being authentic and I’m taking small steps to correct this in my personal life and in my business. I’m already feeling happier.

What about you? Have you ever worked hard to make a dream come true and then, felt disappointed? Have you ever sacrificed your true self to work on a goal? How did it make you feel? I’d love to hear about your experiences. By sharing, I think it helps others to not feel so alone. We’re in this journey together.

How to Stop Impulsive Spending in 5 Simple Steps

By Kate Northrup

Have you ever bought something that in the moment felt like the best purchase EVER, only to wonder what the heck you were thinking when you got your credit card bill three weeks later?

If so, you may have fallen prey to impulsive spending.

Money is a deeply emotional issue. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or totally out of touch.

We buy things because we want to feel a certain way: abundant, pretty, comfortable, sexy, etc. But the truth is, the path to long-term, sustainable happiness is not actually paved in paper and plastic (bills and credit cards, that is.)

Just like alcohol, drugs, food, sex, and any other vice you can name, spending money can be a way to numb out. Sometimes we’re trying to avoid feeling what we’re feeling so we pull out our credit card.

So how do we stop impulsive spending? How do we make smarter, more mindful spending decisions that actually DO contribute to sustainable happiness and financial well-being?

I’m so glad you asked because this week’s Financial Freedom Friday episode covers this topic in depth.

Watch the video below to get 5 simple steps you can take to stop impulsive spending before it even starts. Your bank account, credit card balances, savings account, and peace of mind will all thank you 🙂

Share the #MoneyLove:

Stop impulsive spending before it even starts in 5 simple steps: http://bit.ly/17pH9Aw (Tweet it!)

Over to you:

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What To Do When You Can’t Decide

By Lissa Rankin

FYC

We usually refer to “finding your calling” as getting in touch with your life purpose. But you may be called to do any number of things that may have nothing to do with your professional life. These types of callings tend to come up whenever you find yourself unable to make a decision.

Should you stay or should you go?

Should you follow your intuition or play it safe?

Should you take a leap of faith or stay on the cliff?

Decisions can be beastly, especially when the stakes are high. But you don’t have to make these decisions alone. I believe The Universe calls to us, guiding us to where we’re meant to be. In the beginning, this guidance will show up in subtle ways, like a thought or an idea that feels like a crazy idea. Then you might read something that feels like it was meant just for you, something that reinforces the crazy idea. Then that perfect book- the one you were SO supposed to read right now- falls off the shelf in front of you. Then you have a dream full of instructions, or you see a vision of something, or you hear a voice telling you what you need to do.

How You Know When You’re Being Guided

You may not recognize the guidance at first. You might not even notice it, and if you do, you might write it off as mere coincidence. But if you don’t pay attention to the first whisperings, then the signs from the Universe get more obvious. You may get physical symptoms because you’re not listening to the whispers. Things might start happening to rock you out of your comfort zone.

Things might even start to get really trippy. You bump into the person you need to be talking with in the middle of Central Park when neither of you even live in New York City. You’re talking on the telephone, confessing what you know you must do to a dear friend, and right when you share how scared you are, a walkie talkie voice interferes with the phone line and tells you you’re not alone. You find out that you and your mentor are being guided by a spirit guide who calls himself by the same name.

This is when you know you are being called. You’ve been given clear instructions. But you may not like the instructions you’re being given.

You Still Have Choice

Free will is a funny thing when it comes to spiritual guidance. I believe we are guided with “signs from the Universe,” and these signs are suggestions, recommendations even. But we don’t have to follow the guidance. We have free will, and we may either fail to observe the signs or ignore the signs.

I think we’re given a lot of leeway when we first become aware of something we’re being called to do. We’re given a sort of grace period, a Divine time out, during which we have the opportunity to make peace with what is being asked of us. The Universe gives us a break and understands why we’re not doing what we know we must. So there are no immediate consequences to failing to heed the guidance. The Universe understand that we’re only human.

The Grace Period Ends

But then one day, the grace period is over, and what we’re being called to do becomes urgent. The signs from the Universe start coming fast and furious. The Universe is not going to let you off the hook any longer.

At this point, you still have a choice. You have free will. But if you don’t act on what is being asked of you once your grace period is over, things will start being reorganized for you, and you may feel like you no longer have a choice. You’ll get fired from that job you’ve known you’re supposed to quit. The relationship you’ve been thinking about ending will end without your choice. Your life will start reorganizing in order to make this thing that must happen inevitable, until you’re laughing or crying at how obvious it is that you’re NOT LISTENING to what you’re being guided to do.

When It’s Time To Surrender

That’s when you finally throw your hands up and say, “I give!” You surrender. You strap on your seatbelt because you know you’re about to go for the ride of your life, and it’s a ride you can’t control, so you might as well throw your hands up and yell, “WHEEEEEEEE!” You’ll feel the butterflies, the roller coaster feeling in your belly, and it will just be a sign that you’re on the right path, even though you don’t know where you’re going.

What If Your Calling Hasn’t Showed Up Yet?

Join me, Martha Beck, and Amy Ahlers for Find Your Calling, a free teleclass designed specifically to help you hear your inner guidance, get in touch with your life purpose, and do your part to change the world. We remember how much angst this can inspire, and we all have so much compassion for you if you’re one of those who is still struggling to find your life’s purpose.

If you already know what’s calling you, and you’re still in your grace period, your job is to just make peace with the truth of what you know you must do. If your grace period is over, you might as well just do what you’re being guided to do. Just let go, darling… your resistance only makes it harder. Trust that the Universe would never guide you to make a choice that isn’t safe, and there is no reason for you to be afraid.

Are You Being Guided?

Is there something you just know, but you’re too afraid to acknowledge it? Are you in denial about something you’re being called to do? Are you still trying to find your calling? Tell us your stories in the comments.

Letting go,

Category: Mind