Body Image

Comfortable In Our Own Skin

Women hate their bodies. Does this phrase anger you? Maybe. Surprise you? Probably not. While this isn’t true of all women, most that you meet have a body part they wouldn’t mind changing, hiding, ignoring. These body image issues are prevalent and affect women’s happiness and the way they see their lives. We want to change that and the best path we know to change is open dialogue. We’ve found amazing reading about body image written by real women for the sole purpose of opening the conversation and taking us to the point where the phrase “women hate their bodies” is shocking.

Don’t ever look back in regret, truly live your beauty and focus on what’s right with you rather than what’s wrong.

Michelle Phillips is a self-esteem coach and the author of the bestselling beauty and self-esteem book The Beauty Blueprint — 8 Steps to Building the Life and Look of your Dreams. Phillips works with many women and an inordinate — but not surprising — number of her sessions end up focused on body image. She’s recently made a shift in her thinking, however, that’s made all the difference for her and for her clients. Phillips explains, “When working with a coaching client I had an epiphany: The negative thoughts I have about my body need to come to a screeching halt.” Phillips adds, “Don’t ever look back in regret, truly live your beauty and focus on what’s right with you rather than what’s wrong. It may not seem easy at first but freeing yourself of negative thoughts is a huge step towards living a truly beautiful life and achieving a healthy body. The first, and possibly the most crucial step on that path, though, is to start loving the body you have right now.”

We agree with Phillips and want to open this conversation with you. Six women writers are doing just that by penning — or typing — their thoughts on body image. Join in these conversations, it’ll be our collective first steps toward women love their bodies becoming our norm.

Love the body you have…TODAY!

by Celebrity Makeup Artist, Self-Esteem Coach, and Bestselling Author Michelle Phillips

Love the body you have today!

It’s no small secret that women don’t like their bodies. In fact, I’ve been doing a little research and I am sad to report that recent statistics say that more than 80% of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. Even more troubling is that 65% of young girls think they are fat and are already dieting. Ladies of all ages, this has got to change!

As a celebrity makeup artist and stylist the first things I usually hear when when working with a client is “can you cover this up” or “could you make me look 10 pounds thinner?” With the right makeup, lighting, and airbrushing anything is possible in front of the camera, but in real life- the Life Coach in me has to take over from there. That bit of “cover-up” is best if it comes from inside.

I can tell you from working with hundreds of women that the latest diet or workout won’t be the key to having a body you love. Believing in who you are, and in how you look… is the foundation to achieving what you truly want out of life. I know this isn’t always an easy thing to do but freeing yourself of negative thoughts is a huge step towards living a truly beautiful life and achieving a healthy body. The first, and possibly the most crucial step on that path though, is to start loving the body you have right now.

Here are some suggestions to do just that:

Create an “I love myself because…” list

First, write down 20 things that you love about yourself. Your list may include your personality, kind heart, your sense of humor, compassion, smile, elbows, feet, etc. Include your talents and achievements, or various ways you’re proud of yourself. If you have trouble with this exercise think about what your best friend would say about you. It’s time to be your own best friend!

Take notice of the beauty around you

Take a deeper look at nature surrounding you. It may be a tree, mountains, clouds, the moon, butterfly, a flower…is it perfect? Does it have imperfections, maybe a few blemishes on a leaf? Start to notice the beauty around you. Train your mind to let go of the “imperfections” and revel in what makes things uniquely beautiful.

Delete Negative Self-Talk

Every time you hear yourself talking negatively about how you look…STOP! Who needs another critic? Instead, turn that inner dialogue into positive self-talk. You have the power to focus on what is great about you right now by deleting the negative thoughts whenever they show up.

Appreciate your beautiful body

Women are familiar with their face but not necessarily their body. Start to look at your body in the mirror. Study your shape and find the beauty. Notice how your body supports you and your daily life. Our bodies are beautiful vessels that transport our gorgeous souls.

Cut the tags out of your clothes!

Don’t buy a closet full of clothes that are too tight for you to fit into hoping that you’ll be in them soon – those are just guilt garments that don’t make you feel good when you open your closet. Buy and wear clothes that fit the body you have today. They call it a “fitting room” for a reason. Size doesn’t matter; it is all about how you feel in your clothes. By dressing the body you have today will help increase your self-esteem and in-turn unnecessary weight will begin to fall away. When you feel better about yourself, you take better care of yourself. It’s that simple!

The Surprising Side of Shame

surprising-side-shame An excerpt from “The Beauty Blueprint 8 Steps to Building the Life and Look of Your Dreams” written by Michelle Phillips (Hay House Publishing 2011)

Dealing with your shaming voices from the past will lead to happier, healthier relationships in the present. Researchers have shown a link between shame and negative relationship behaviors such as anger, irritability, indirect hostility, resentment, and a tendency to blame your partner for various things. Dealing with your shame won’t just set you free to love yourself—you can freely and fully love others as well.1

“The Beauty Blueprint”

Exercise: Silencing the Voices

Take out your journal and try to recall all the inner dialogue that ran through your mind as you were creating the parts of your Beauty Blueprint. For each bit of inner dialogue, answer this question: What was the true intent behind the statement? Here’s a story to help you get the gist of what I want you to do. . . .

I was working with a client shortly after her husband left her. After completing her Beauty Blueprint, we went shopping to create a new look to match her new life. After trying on several flattering outfits, however, she looked dejected and stared at the dressing-room floor.

“I have to tell you something,” she said. I braced myself because, by now, I’ve learned that clients who are making bold changes also confront even bigger fears. “I think my stomach looks terrible in all these clothes.”

“What?” I gasped. “You look incredible! You have a great body. Where is this coming from? What is the voice in your head saying exactly?”

“It’s my ex’s voice,” she confessed. “He told me that I was getting fat, and he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore.”

“What was his genuine intention behind that statement?” I asked.

“To hurt me, I guess.”

“So, it wasn’t true, right? He only said it to upset you. Do you see the difference?”

She nodded, and relief washed over her face. The inner voice that had damaged her so deeply wasn’t true, and now she saw it for what is was: a lie.

She stood up straighter and smiled, and I knew she was on her way to becoming a free woman.

Now it’s your turn to do this exercise so that you can finally be free of any shaming voices that hold you back. And even if the original intention was positive—as a way to protect you, for instance—the result may still be the same. This exercise enables you to observe this dialogue for what it truly is and no longer allow it to control you.

Learning to Forgive

Once you start identifying and disarming your shaming voices, you need to go one step further. If you’ve been hurt or have suffered, you need to forgive the people who planted those voices in your mind. Freedom comes with forgiveness. However, this doesn’t require you to speak to certain individuals or open the door to old relationships. Forgiveness is simply a decision you make to let go of the past. This is for you, not anyone else.

Exercise: Write Your Letter

Any lingering negative feelings from the past are often signs that you need to forgive someone or something. If you’re always replaying hurtful words or painful situations in your mind, you need to identify someone or something to forgive.

You can do so by writing a letter that will never actually be mailed. (You can write as many as you need to!) So grab a pen and paper, and pour your heart out. Tell the person exactly what he or she did and how it hurt you. Was it a hurtful word, deed, or a cruel tone that you remember most? Don’t try to justify or minimize it. How did that person’s words or actions impact you then, and how do they impact you now?

One of the letters I wrote went something like this:

I forgive you for being so cruel and degrading in your words, and hateful in your tone. I felt abused and unloved, and sometimes I still hear those words in my head today. But I am ready to be free.

Next, write down your decision to forgive and let go. For example: “I release the pain I once felt, I release you, and I send you a blessing of love and light.” It’s not enough to simply forgive. I believe you must also make an offering of love. Forgiveness releases, but love heals.

Now you’re going to burn your letter. (Some people prefer to tie their letters to balloons and release them into the sky.) The reason you don’t mail your letter is because going back to the offender can sometimes stir up more chaos and hurt. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t require a confrontation or conversation; you’re not condoning what happened. Forgiveness is something that happens inside you.

So, over the stove, on the backyard grill, or in your fireplace . . . just let it burn. As the smoke rises, ask that this person be blessed and find peace. Visualize your forgiveness extending into the sky and beyond. What is forgiven is finished. Those voices, once dealt with and forgiven, can no longer hurt you or hold you back.

“The Beauty Blueprint”

How To Create Your Own Signature Style

how-create-your-own-signature-style Every woman wants to wear clothes that make her feel amazing, but in my job as a celebrity stylist, I know that creating that perfect look requires much more than just clothes. It takes deliberate choices about who my client is, and who she wants to be. I don’t just choose clothes that flatter her figure, either. While that is incredibly important, a stylist knows that to truly flatter a woman, clothes must capture something of the woman’s essence. Style is all about spirit: who you are, who you aspire to become, and what inspires you each and every day.

So while I can’t go shopping with you (though I’d love to!) I want to share a few of my favorite style strategies from my best-selling book, THE BEAUTY BLUEPRINT. I want you to learn what your own signature style is, and then embrace it!

Find Images That Appeal to You

First, go collect all the old magazines in your house. You can also grab some clothing catalogs or even go to online stores or designers’ websites. (I love the Chico’s website, for example.) Your first assignment is to look for hairstyles, accessories, and outfits you love, and then cut (or print) them out. Whenever you see an image or photo that immediately “pops”—one that appeals to you in a real and powerful way—grab it!

“But what if I’d never wear that?” some of my clients ask when we do this exercise together. “I love the look in this picture, but I couldn’t pull it off.”

Cut it out anyway! That’s all you have to do. This is an exercise—not a commitment to buy. I just want you to collect whatever inspires you regardless of whether or not you’d ever wear a certain outfit or copy a hairstyle. Fashion isn’t always meant to go straight from the photo to the street. Fashion is an art form, with each designer expressing a unique idea.

I’ve been backstage at the world-famous Fashion Week in New York City. I’ve stood next to the teeny-tiny models and the absolutely outrageous designs they wear. And you know what? I loved every minute of it, even though I would never wear many of the fashions myself. I understand the mission of those wild, over-the-top ensembles: all that creativity, the total fearlessness of the designer, inspires the rest of us. The excitement of innovative ideas and cutting-edge styles flood the market, and it enables everyone to interpret their own style in fresh new ways.

Fashion and design is all about experimenting with textures, colors, fabrics, patterns, and styles. Good designers find new ways to express what makes women like us feel beautiful. That’s what you’re doing in this exercise. You’ve become your own designer! You have identified images that moved you or piqued your interest, evoking powerful, pleasant emotions. In fact, that’s how I want you to feel every morning when you get dressed.

I want you to collect these images so you can see very clearly what most inspires you. I am helping you, through this exercise, to understand that style is about more than just the clothes. So many times, we confuse the excitement of a sale with inspiration!

Embrace What You Love About Your Body

I want you to embrace your body just as it is today. What is it about your figure that you really like? Your hourglass shape? Your strong legs? Your toned arms? Your graceful neck? Write down your best features. Can you come up with at least three? I hope so, because I know you have them. You need to know that, too. When you begin picking clothes, it will be important to know what physical features you want to accentuate.

My number one rule with all my clients is to accentuate the positive. Even celebrities struggle with this concept. We live in a world that harps on our figure “flaws” instead of celebrating what makes each woman unique. Creating your own special signature style will keep the emphasis on what makes you unique, and uniquely beautiful.

Identify Your Style Key Words

Next, what is in your heart and spirit that you’d really love to express to the world? I call those your “style key words.” To better understand this idea, let me share a story. . . .

I once had a client who would only wear black clothes and red lipstick. She interpreted this look as “dramatic creativity,” and those words made her feel beautiful. (Did I mention she was an artist?) This woman judged all fashion and style choices by this standard, until she realized that it was actually restricting her creativity instead of enhancing it.

Together, she and I hunted for photos of clothing styles and makeup looks that appealed to her, and she chose some wild stuff—including, to her surprise, ensembles that weren’t all black. Doing this exercise gave her the freedom to fully discover her sense of style. She still loved the notion of “dramatic creativity,” but now it could be expressed in many different ways. In the past, she would have skipped aisles of clothes that didn’t prominently feature black tops and bottoms. Now, she had a clear idea on how to incorporate new pieces into her wardrobe to freshen up her look without losing her identity.

Knowing what images appeal to you, and matching them to your style key words, will give you a beauty breakthrough. So what are your style key words? Read through the following list, and in your journal, jot down the names of those that appeal to you. When you’re finished, narrow your list down to your top five.

Style Key Words

Accessorized
African
All-American
Animal prints
Artistic
Asian
Bold primary colors
Casual elegance
Classic, timeless
Clean lines
Comfortable
Contemporary
Delicate
Detailed
Dramatic
Earthy
Edgy
Effortless
Embellished
European
Exotic
Feminine
Flirty and fun
Functional
Jewel-toned
Lace and ruffles
Latin
Lean
Leisure wear
Lightweight
Luxurious
Minimalist
Modern
Neutrals
Outdoor adventure
Romantic
Sexy
Sleek and chic
Soft
Sophisticated
Sporty
Statement pieces
Structured
Tribal
Versatile
Vintage

Not only have you identified your style key words, but you can also see fresh ways these looks are interpreted in fashion, hairstyles, and cosmetics. This can have an immediate payoff. As a former salon owner, for instance, I can’t tell you how many women thought they were describing what they wanted when they said, “I like Jennifer Aniston’s hair,” or “I like the layered look.” In reality, I had very little idea why those looks appealed to a client. My stylists and I would have to make an educated guess. But if a woman came in and said, “I like a sophisticated look with a modern edge. Here are a few photos I cut out from magazines that really appealed to me.” Wow! That information gives me so much more insight—and the ability to create a hairstyle that my client absolutely loves. As a stylist, I needed both the key words and the pictures—and so do you.

You’ve just created your very own Signature Style, just like all my clients who use my techniques from THE BEAUTY BLUEPRINT. Keep a copy of your choices, words and images in your purse. You can get put this information right to work, and it will save you hundreds of dollars. You can shop with the confidence of a stylist, knowing what features you want to emphasize, and what colors and designs reflect your spirit.

Don’t go shopping without this information! Without it, it’s easy to fall back into old habits and choose items that don’t reflect your style key words and images, or your best features. You might pick up something to please your spouse or peers, or because you found it on the clearance rack. Now you have an easy way to stay grounded and check whether something is aligned with your personal style before you hit the cash register and potentially waste money.

Always remember that the more you honor your true beauty, the less prone you will be to caving in to old insecurities and making the same old mistakes in life or at the cash register. You have a signature style to come back to, which allows you to rediscover (and celebrate) the real, beautiful you every day.

Celebrity stylist and life coach Michelle Phillips (www.MichellePhillips.com) shares secrets from her new book, THE BEAUTY BLUEPRINT, to help you save money and look fabulous.

The Miracle of a YUMMY Body – Guest Post

This is re-posted from my friend Leah Carey’s online Miracle Journal. Her original post is here; you can find her full journal at www.TheMiracleJournal.com. She posts a miracle every day on her journal.

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By Leah Carey

If you’re familiar with my book Transforming Your Body Image, you know that it is the chronicle of my own journey from feeling “Fat and Ugly” to being okay with my body just as it is and helping others to do the same. In that book I wrote,

“As long as I keep my focus on being healthy, my self-image is not tied to my weight. My weight still fluctuates, but it’s not the end of the world, because I’m busy being the best person I can be!”

This is absolutely true…AND there’s more to the story. I have good days and I have bad days. There are days when I look in the mirror and think, “I look really cute today” and that is a HUGE miracle, because for 20+ years I thought I looked hideous. But there are other days when I look in the mirror and think, “Who dressed you? You look so washed out. I wish these pants looked better on me…” and more. Feeling better about myself doesn’t mean feeling perfect. It means that I can look in the mirror and feel positive about what I see. But there are still days when I’m not completely in love with what I see.

Then there are times like the last couple of days. It has been a perfect storm of body appreciation. On Tuesday night, I played in my closet with a friend, creating new outfits out of the same old clothes – she put things together that I never would have imagined. She got me looking at the same clothes in new ways. It was amazing.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m working through a workbook that’s about opening my heart and inviting in new love. Yesterday’s exercise was about appreciating my body. The instructions were to stand naked in front of the mirror and focus on each part of my body. At each part, I was to apologize to it for the negative thoughts that I’d held about it, tell it something I appreciate about it, and then thank it for something – from the feet to the calves to the knees to the…well, you get the idea. I’ve done mirror work before but something about the way that this exercise was laid out and explained felt completely new to me and I felt my energy changing as I did it.

By the time I got to my face and head, I had a thought that was so new – so completely revolutionary – that I actually started dancing around in my bedroom in front of the mirror…and that thought was:
“I HAVE A YUMMY BODY!!!”
WOW!!!

Later in the day I stopped in to my friend’s consignment clothing store (see why she’s the best person to play in my closet with?!) because she had just received several fitted blazers that were exactly the type we had determined I needed in my professional wardrobe — hello, miracle! As I was trying them on, another customer came into the store and these two women – one a good friend, the other a person I’d never met – started commenting on my “luscious” curves and what a beautiful womanly body I have. All of this without me saying a thing about the work I had done that morning.

Truly amazing. What a miracle.

Do you have any suggestions about things that help you to feel good about your body? If so, I’d love to hear about them in the comments! And don’t forget to head up to the “Share Your Miracle” tab and let me know about the miracles that have been happening in your life!

If you’re interested in the mirror exercise, you can find it on Day 32 of Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. If you’re interested in my book, Transforming Your Body Image, you can find it here.

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Leah Carey is the creator and facilitator of the Live. Write. Share. workshops. Her mission is to help people share their stories as a vehicle for healing old wounds and finding their own inner resilience. She facilitates workshops and gives lectures throughout the US and Canada. She is online at www.leahcarey.com.

February 14 – The Most Beautiful Date You’ll Ever Have

The day of love is upon us and it’s time for the most beautiful date you’ll ever have…YOU! Love is the light that reveals your beauty to the world!

My guests will be Leah Carey and Michael Chase.

Leah is the creator and facilitator of the Live. Write. Share. workshops that help people to share their stories as a vehicle for healing old wounds and finding their own inner resilience.

Leah writes a daily Miracle Journal where she recounts the miracles she finds in her life each day. I’ve re-posted her entry “The Miracle of a YUMMY Body” – about loving her own body with all its feminine curves – on my blog; also click here to read a perfect Valentine’s Day treat, “The Miracle of Amazing Men: In celebration of the male spirit“.

Leah’s blog is at www.themiraclejournal.com. Find information about her book, “Transforming Your Body Image” and her workshops at www.leahcarey.com.

Michael is affectionately known as “The Kindness Guy” and he is one of today’s most powerful voices for creating a kinder world. At the age of thirty-seven, Michael ended an award-winning photography career to begin The Kindness Center. His book “Am I Being Kind?” is set to be released by Hay House Publishing on April 15 and is now available for pre-sale at Amazon.com.

From his “24 Hours of Kindness” events to his “Caffeinated Kindness” days, Michael brings the message of kindness to cities and towns around the country. He is dedicated to doing small acts of kindness for others and has made it his life’s mission to spread kindness across the globe. His passionate keynote presentations have inspired thousands by revealing the secrets to true happiness and how we can all create a better world. Valentine’s Day is one of Michael’s favorite days of the year because it’s a day when we focus on the best in each other.

Find Michael online at www.thekindnesscenter.com.